Shut up about Imus, White Men

If you have a job or a family or you stand around a barrel with a fire in it singing doo wop songs with a bunch of good natured hobos, you have probably been talking about Imus this week. And if you were standing around my particular barrel, then you would have heard things like this:

Reasons it is good he was fired:

What he said was racist;

What he said was sexist;

He has been getting away with this for way too long;

The culture is deteriorating into an unfeeling morass of racist sexist jerkiness;

A line needs to be drawn;

It's a step in the right direction;

People need to know that this is not acceptable;

He hurt the business.

Reasons he should not have been fired:

The First Amendment protects the freedom speech;

He is not a racist because he labeled the handling of Katrina as racist;

He should be given an opportunity to redeem himself;

Sharpton is full of shit;

Jesse Jackson said Hymie Town;

A small group of people should not have so much influence;

He does a lot for charity;

Rap music is worse than anything he said;

Tyra Banks says "nappy headed" and "ho's"

I am frankly sick of the argument. I have been having it all week with different people. So rather than put forth my view (which is, incidentally, that he was fired because he hurt the business and free speech rights were not violated because he did not go to jail) I have decided to talk about how a bunch of white men talking about this is stupid and all us white men should all shut up.

My reasoning is this: As white men, we don't understand. We can't understand and we will never understand. The most common petulant whining out of white men is that they have some how been made into an oppressed minority. Somehow, Al Sharpton has victimized a white man (Imus)and it isn't fair. That's bullshit. Since this is America, all white guys get to have an opinion but, in matters of race, our opinions should not count. Because we can never be anything but white men and empathy is impossible.

I realized this after I married a Jewish woman. And the only reason that made me realize it is because things I usually ignored started to make me mad. When you are a white guy, other white guys figure it is okay to say all manner of shit to you. It's like you will get it because you are in the white guy club. I used to ignore it or say something smart ass about it to demean the other person. But after I got married I started to get more mad and would be more mean. Until the day I realized it didn't matter.

After Hurricane Wilma, when all our shit was wrecked and we had no power or water and had to get government ice and all of that, my neighborhood bonded together. Everyone was putting whatever they had into the community pot. We had the best grill and plenty of propane, so we were very popular. People of all races, colors and I guess creeds would come over and we would all cook and eat and talk. And there was this one guy, John, who had a nice dog and a camp coffee pot which worked on the grill. There would be a million people outside our door every morning waiting for coffee. They brought their own coffee and their own water and it was cool.

But on the third day, it was just John and me. We were on the deck drinking the coffee, talking about the hurricane, and out of nowhere he said: "Of course, the fucking Jews got out of here before the storm like the Pharaoh was chasing their kike asses." That's exactly what he said. I said: "Yeah...?" And he said that of course the Jews could afford to get out of town when no one else could.

So what happened after that with him and me and the coffee pot and Mrs. Ac. has no bearing on the story. What is relevant is the fact that when Mrs. Ac. found out what happened, I asked her a million times to explain to me how she felt. I wanted to understand. And I would love to say that she spewed some sort of fortune cookie wisdom and I immediately got it. But it wasn't like that. I still don't understand it. I probably never will. Which is why when things like the Imus thing come up, I always assume that the white people are wrong in their opinions. Because opinions are feelings, not facts. And I can't ever feel like Mrs. Ac. felt that day after the hurricane. And I can't ever feel like those Rutgers girls felt.

I don't feel guilty about being a white guy. But I know I am not qualified to decide how people who are not white guys should feel or act. Maybe if honky or cracker was a real insult, I would. But they aren't and I don't. Imus hurt the business and got fired. It was the right call. But beyond that, I have no frigging idea. And I really don't think that anyone else does, either.