Best of 2007

Vagianta

1. Hi Seth Cohen. You're fat and ugly and your voice reminds me of a drunk uncle who used to hug too hard and make inappropriate comments about my breasts. All of that aside, you are funny like whoa. Superbad is my new coming of age staple. Your movies have kept a permanent smirk on my face. I hope you quit now while you're ahead.

2. Soulja Boy Tellem. That's right. I said it. This song kept me amused all summer. From watching my kids and their friends try to crank dat to watching my too-old-to-dance friends superman that ho all the way to the tonnes of completely rad youtube videos showcasing this awesome dance, Soulja boy has become the best dance song ever. I applaud SB Tellem for inventing an anthem about a dance that even black people can't do right.

3. Hey Kanye. You and I both know that Graduation was the best hip hop album of the year. I won't tell anyone though. I'm sure you wouldn't want it spread around that your fan base consists mostly of suburban housewives. But it totally does. We're doing pretty hood in our pink polos too, Kan.

4. I re-read American Gods this year. I'd tell you all about it, but I don't have to write book reports any more on account of I'm a grown up. If you haven't read it, read it. I discovered Christopher Moore this year. I will no longer make fun of anyone who reads a vampire book again. Unless they read one that was written by Anne Rice or anyone who isn't Christopher Moore.

5. Dear David Hasselhoff: It's been five months, two weeks and six days since I ate a cheeseburger. You ruined drive thru for me, Hoff, but your drunken antics amused me more than any other celebrity train wrecks this year. But you're totally going to be bumped if Amy Winehouse manages to get dead before New Years.

Hotspur, Take Two

Five Things in 2007 (Not in order of importance.)

I Became a Mac User

When Apple came out with the new Intel Macs that are capable of running the Mac OS and Windows, I decided to make the change. I bought a MacbookPro with the 17” display, and I love it.

The majority of the work that I do nowadays is graphics related – designing advertising and creating ads, as well as making videos and web stuff. The Mac is, and always has been the computer of choice in the graphics design world.

However, I need to be able to run both OSs because of some software that is not Mac compatible, plus there is very little available in the gaming world for Mac.

I do not eat granola, I do not own a pair of Birkenstocks, and I do not drive a Volvo. Well, actually my wife does, but that doesn’t count.

I Became an Early Adopter of the iPhone

I was thinking of marrying it, but I’d have to move to San Francisco, and having been stationed there in the Navy, I don’t have a lot of fond memories of living there.

Civilization IV

While I’m not normally attracted to turn-based strategy games, this game is immersive, addictive, and very complex. You are warned.

It is EXTREMELY complicated if you play on higher levels, as there is so much to keep track of, and so much strategy involved in making your civilization powerful and successful.

It has tremendous replay potential, and even after I’ve won a game it’s still hard to quit. It’s “Oh, just one more turn” then “one more”, then “one more”, etc.

My wife thinks I’m mentally unstable.

I think I Only Smoked Two Cigars All Year

I used to smoke three to four a week, and occasionally for short periods at least one every day. But I got tired of it and lost interest.

Like Bill Clinton, I never inhaled.

The Best New Recording I Heard All Year

I am entirely uninterested in popular music, but a friend of mine turned me on to Wayne “The Train” Hancock. His “Tulsa” CD will blow you away.

Now I’ll go back to my indifference.

Moi

My 5 favourite movies of 2007

Let me start by telling you two things. The first being that I didn't actually see a ton of movies this year. I could blame it on being too busy with work or home life or any other normal excuse, but I'll be honest: I'm cheap. That and one of my pet peeves is people talking through movies, and there is no shortage of morons chatting away or kicking the back of your chair at the movies. Basically, I've got the patience of a senior citizen who has been denied their discount.
The second thing is that the only movie on my list that I actually did see at the theatre was The Simpsons Movie, but it was cheap Tuesday so what the hell..live a little, I say.

On with the list!

1) Superbad-

2007 was the year of Judd Apatow as far as I'm concerned. He somehow was able to make two movies, that I would normally avoid at all costs, good enough that I'd actually consider buying the DVDs. Shocking, I know. Anyway, the genius was in the casting of Jonah Hill and Michael Cera (how awesome was he as George Michael in Arrested Development?!) as the two likeable nerds who just wanted to get the girl(s) before going away to college. It's a storyline I've seen before, but somehow the writing and acting made it fresh. Not to mention, absolutely hilarious. It's the type of movie that will get better each time you watch it.

2) Knocked Up

Another Judd Apatow film. This one made me laugh almost all the way through, and the bonus footage is worth the price of the DVD. Paul Rudd almost stole the movie as the husband of the main character's sister. He has a way of doing that in nearly every movie he's in. Anchorman is the perfect example. But overall everyone in the movie made it great to watch.

3) Zodiac

Everybody knows this story, and it's been told many times, but this one put a fresh spin on it. I admit though, I normally don't like movies about serial killers since I'm a big wimp, but by the end of this one I was actually on my computer for hours researching this story and reading anything I possibly could about it. I partly blame Wikipedia and the endless links it provides. It definitely made me re-think the going out to secluded areas at night with random men thing I do. But hey, someone's gotta pay the bills!

4) The Simpsons Movie

I don't have much to say about this one. I, like most people, have watched the show for years and years and was glad that they actually managed to make a storyline that was pretty funny. Plus, the Spiderpig song was stuck in my head for quite a while.


5) 28 Weeks Later

Okay, okay I admit that I didn't technically see the whole movie, but what I did see was great. Maybe even better than 28 Days Later. The way the movie was filmed gave it a scary reality aspect that made me believe something like that could actually happen. And hey, maybe one day I'll get around to seeing the end. Of course, I know how it ends. I'm one of those people that will turn a movie on and then quickly go on the computer and see how it ends. I'm not really sure why I do this, but I just have to know ahead of time.

Well, there you have it, the top 5 movies I enjoyed this past year. If you can sift through the half assed reviews and run-on sentences, you get bonus points! And those bonus points are valuable! You can redeem them at The Gallery online store. If there was one. Ummm. Yeah.

Jethro-Editor's Note He either misunderstood the assignment or didn't care. He gets a waterboarding for sure. I bolded the parts of his that were actually about entertainment. The rabbit hutch was thrilling, though.

Urine Review
(Forgive the crudity, I found it humorous)

I’m not a person who remembers stuff so well; I mean I remember moments, and conversations, but not movies or shows. I remember news and sports and appointments, but not to order that one food item I get once a month. I don’t remember birthdays and other dates very well but I do remember what month they are in. So I guess it will be tough to write a best of the year 2007, but I will tell you what I know and do my best to recall the year that was.

Retrospectively thinking, I use dates I do remember and business in general to mark the year. I’ve seen positive things in both my personal and public (work) lives. In the restaurant, I have taken more control and have created a higher profile, appearing publicly on several occasions and even hosting a benefit for a prominent charity. Which was a fairly liberating experience I might add, and great for public relations. The downside is a larger workload, like I need that.

I bought a guitar this year, a Guild Starfire A-50. It belonged to a friend of mine and I had always loved playing it. I asked to buy it often, beginning several years ago, but he declined every time, only to relent his position suddenly and without any provocation. I got a great deal, but the guitar needs a lot of work. My hope is that by next time we see each other, I will have it mostly restored and playable for him to give his approval.

The Fourth of July was a lazy one this year, we watched the fireworks from midtown. One thing I remember about that day is that we witnessed a bald eagle soaring above us while we ate cheeseburgers and ice cream at Friendly’s. The week after, my son's birthday week, we enjoyed several day trips, two festivals, and at least one beach sunrise. The month of July wins best month of the year.

We had our annual outdoor party and jam session as scheduled on Labor Day, and despite our worries of unpreparedness, it was one of our best parties ever. I played well and it felt good from so many levels that it was such a relief from last year. I asserted my control again, following a theme apparent to this year, and it was successful. Good emotions, music, and food made this the best day of the year.

I finished fabricating my aluminum shed this year; anybody who has built one can commiserate on the pure bliss of the screwing in and attaching nuts to all of three hundred 1/4-inch screws. It was hell indeed, but that is what made it so satisfying to complete. I also began a new hobby of minor carpentry, and built the base for a newer, more permanent wooden shed and a rabbit hutch. I think I really enjoy the feeling that comes from using power tools and building something solid, so next year will be more of this I hope.

Online, I’ve been lost. I had a distinctive personality on the Internet at one time but now I am adrift. It had been building all year. I keep trying to be myself, but then I realize that I am boring, which (of course) is why I am on the Internet to begin with. I stuck close to my friends and hoped that I wouldn’t get swept away in the torrent of discerning wit and self-alienation that still pollutes the Internet. I still feel that I can conquer this and become The Hero of the Whole Interwebs someday.

The Red Sox had a season that rivaled their latest World Series winning campaign, taking it all again. I spent the season savoring moments as I would a piece of chocolate cake after a satisfying dinner, and reminding myself that baseball is the best game in the world. Even though it can be boring on television.

The last good books I remember reading was The Alchemist by Paolo Coehlo and the final chapters of Strangers in Paradise. Both were charming. The last good movie I remember was The Departed, which actually came out in 2006, but I saw it last month. Same with Borat, oh lord that was so funny! Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Allison Krauss was the surprise album of the year. It was just my speed. And the novel approach to buying music on the Internet by Radiohead signaled a brave new era of musician’s rights and may stem the tide of bootleg and shoddy quality recordings.

All in all it was a pretty good year, I joined a gym and have been building up my muscles and stamina for who knows what. Whatever comes next year, I will be ready.

Bumba

Best of 07....

1. Well, I must say that I knew 2007 would be a good year before the end of 06 as I witnessed the trailer for Transformers The Movie. I waited 7 months for the movie to be released and I was there on the first night of viewing. I recall writing a review for Acadia while watching the movie. (He's such a tyrant.) But, that couldn't stop me from enjoying it. The big robots had me gripping my seat from excitement every time they transformed. The battle at the end left some things to be desired but overall the movie was well worth the wait. now as I am thinking about it this brings me to the 2nd best thing of 07...

2. Megan Fox.
Once in a while god out does himself, and this glorious specimen of what a woman should look like is certainly an example of his finest work. Her lips, her hips, and those damn tattoos. Wow, she makes my mouth water. Some say shes an Angelina Jolie wanna be, but I could give a damn about what they think. In my opinion Angelina is the past. Shes married with children and has plans to buy more, I cant do anything with all of that baggage. However, Megan Fox is without child or husband and she flaunts that beauty like one of Hugh Hefs wives, sans the naked photos. I would suck her toes, perform cunnilingus, even braid her hair if she asked me to.

3. Halloween 2007.
First off you gotta understand, I love Rob Zombie! His movies are right up my alley, the direction and camera angles are perfect in every picture he has directed. House of 1000 Corpse and Devils Rejects will be classics, and Halloween 2007 will be right there with them. The way he brings the movie to life brings the shock back into the slasher movie genre. Especially when
the girls adopted father is standing on the porch and out of no where Mikey slashes his throat and takes him in the house only to drop his dead body on the floor, which results in the wife screaming hysterically and of course getting her ass beat then crawling to the phone and getting snatched up by Mikey as he shows her a pic of his sister which she smacks out of his hand.
I knew her ass was gonna get it and I loved how he administered the punishment; throwing her down on the coffee table to teach her a lesson, and ended her life by breaking her neck. Hey I would have done the same thing, damn it! Possibly the best horror movie of the year.

4. Now that You know I'm an evil bastard, it'll be easy to understand why I enjoyed watching the bullshit hit the fan at Oprah's multi million dollar school in Africa. I mean, what the hell is wrong with helping the children right here in America? I had no idea that they all had awesome opportunities and were simply private school degenerates whom wanted nothing out of life. Don't get me wrong its one hell of a humanitarian gesture that her and her cohorts made, but was its purpose "to make us (oprah and company) look good" or was the purpose to actually do good for others without feeling important. Well we sure as hell know it wasn't the latter because there was a big ass press release and the whole fucking world knew that OPRAH mother fucking WINFREY was building a multi million dollar school in africa. </angst>

5. OJ Simpson is a (pardon my french) goddamn retard.
I should stop right there, however let me take the time to elaborate on why I think he's a fucking numskull; I'm sure you will agree.
First of all, who beats a double homicide case and stays in the eye of the public? Constantly partying even though they are being barred from privately owned establishments and scrutinized for every little thing they do. Being from the ghetto I know a lot of black guys and none of them are as stupid as OJ, and trust me I know some stupid ass people. Why in gods name would you be involved in a heist of mother fucking sports memorabilia and your name is a.k.a OJ double Homicide Simpson? This guy deserves to be locked up just like Mike Vick. Two stupid ass football players, one who is a legend of the game and the other who didn't play long enough or great enough to be remembered. He'll just be known as the dog killing football player.

Acadia

5: Britney Spears - I am not trying to be mean, but I was personally more entertained by Britney Spears this year than I did any other year. And I don't feel bad for her for one second. She is still rich and famous. And she still apparently has a secret sex room with a pole you can handcuff people to. I only have two of those three things going for me. So she is fine. And bald pudgy women waving umbrellas is entertaining. Tell me one time you saw a bald pudgy woman waving an umbrella that you DIDN'T laugh.

4: The Hoax. This movie came out in 2006, but I watched it on DVD this year, so it counts. It's the story of Clifford Irving writing and peddling a made-up biography of Howard Hughes. Richard Gere is the star, and it would not have made my list except that it is a true story. The guy had balls. Check it out.

3: The Police Concert. I went to see the three geezers play their hits in Hershey, PA. I was not disappointed. They played the hits. They didn't mess with them very much, and they didn't get preachy. It was a very efficient transaction. I was too young to see them when they were together. They gave me my chance and made it as much like it would have been when I saw them 20 years ago as possible. Everyone wins.

2: Dexter. If you are not watching this show on Showtime, then you need to get the DVD's. You can also get the books upon which the show is based. They are good, but the show is amazing. Dexter is a serial killer. he only kills people who deserve it. He works for the Miami-Dade PD as a blood spatter analyst, and he has a single mom for a girlfriend. Get more complex than that!

1: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I already wrote about this book, and the series, and what I think it accomplished. But I will add this: I encouraged some very dear friends of mine who had no previous interest in the books to give them a try. They later told me that they could not wait for their son to get a little older so that they could read them to him.

And I am willing to bet that their boy will read them to his kids. And I bet that will happen for the rest of time. And I don't think that the same can be said of anything else that has happened this year.

JW

I am doing this under protest, as this year was wretched and boring, and decades later VH-1 producers will have a hell of a time trying to figure out what interesting shit to put in their “I Love the 00’s” for this year.

Anyways....

1. The Ron and Fez show (XM Satellite Radio channel 202 12 noon - 3 PM with replays at midnight and on the weekends.)

Hidden in the muck and midst of satellite giants such as Howard Stern on Sirius and Opie and Anthony on XM, Ron and Fez is like the underground band that is way cooler than the mainstream shit your friends listen to. Two guys being insanely funny in an intelligent way and not resorting to lame bits (unless they are doing them ironically.) It feels like a three hour car ride with your friends, talking about everything from sports, to movies, to social issues to music to pondering questions such as “how many nine year olds you can beat up” and “could you realistically kill everyone in a small town if you only had a few hours to do it.” The show is so entertaining, creative and smart that I myself fear that promoting it in public forums such as this will end up having too many un-hip kids ruining the party.

2. Mainstream Musicians releasing and distributing albums via the internet, on their own terms.

Radiohead released “In Rainbows” this year via their own website, with the consumer choosing what price they wished to pay. Saul Williams released “The Adventures of Niggy Tardust” on his site as well via the same operation. While both releases in theory shouldn’t seem that influential, in reality they are ground breaking and impactful as a hopefully broad change in how an act can distribute their music without the aid/hindrance of the major label machine. In a medium that is still won’t realize that technology could actually help them further the cause of art, the major label system is getting outclassed by the artists they have under contract. Hopefully this practice will continue with other acts, and we can inch closer to having a sweeping and free musical landscape in which anyone can have a chance.

3. The Collected Works of Alejandro Jodorowsky are released on DVD.

One of the most challenging and controversial filmmakers around, Jodorowsky’s body of work is amazing, curious, shocking and challenging and it finally was released in full on DVD in May of this year.

The movies in the set - “Fando Y Lis”, “El Topo”, “The Holy Mountain” and “El Cravate” are works of art and should be seen by anyone who loves film and are fans of David Lynch, Quentin Tarantino and others who are creative and unique. With plot lines that are filled with mystery, images that range from disgust to bliss to cringe and a presentation that holds up well considering the time the movies were out you all can watch the films that caused riots in Mexico and were championed by people such as John Lennon and Dennis Hopper and now you can get these everywhere from Barnes and Noble to Target of all places.

4. The Stooges “The Weirdness” and The White Stripes “Icky Thump” were released.

Having The Stooges reunited (even if they are older and look weird now) is like a beacon of sheer rock and roll in the middle of a world of candy. Sure “The Weirdness”, their first new music in a few decades was a little weak, but fuck it; Iggy Pop still looks like he could out run a twenty year old the band still plays the old songs with power and rawness and they are one of the last true examples of pure rock and roll.

The White Stripes are sort of the modern day version of the Stooges I guess. Sure the Raconteurs are cool, but it can’t touch a man and a women who wear weird red and black getups, tell everyone they are brother and sister when they are really divorced and cover Mexican restaurant favorites and make it sound ferocious. “Conquest” is the song of the year, please believe.

5. “Chocolate Rain” - On You Tube.

When you’re all out of ideas, you just go for something wacky and weird to click on. “Chocolate Rain”, written by some weird alien looking guy named Tay Zonday is a four minute song that seems to go on for four hours and upon first viewing you range from being puzzled to loving it to being really annoyed to having an odd respect for it. The lyrics make sense and also don’t even remotely make sense. The guy looks like he could be 12 or he could be 32 (he’s 25). You watch it and you wonder how he could have ever decided it was a good idea and then you wonder where you would be without it. Sure it is now extremely played out, but for one second it was cool and lame, and interesting and annoying all at once.

Hotspur - Editor's Note, Hotspur MAY get waterboarded anyway.

Why am I working at an Entertainment site? I don't watch TV. I don't listen to popular music. I don't go to movies. I gave up my seats at the symphony. I even let my Wolverines hockey seats go.

I did get introduced to Wayne Hancock this year.

Oh, and I started playing Civilization IV.

But that's only two.

My wife entertains me.

But that's only three.

*shuffles off*

Evangeline-Editor's Note - she used asterisks instead of numbers, which may mean a waterboarding. But she also has pics, so I am unsure.

The Other Editor's Note: I don't know what the fuck a waterboarding even is but my pix fucking trump you saps using numbers.

*Owen Wilson's suicide attempt: Dude is famous, good-looking, wealthy beyond my wildest dreams and talented as hell. And yet, he wants to die. My life suddenly looks pretty awesome. Thanks for putting it into perspective for me, Mr. Wilson.

*Crossroads Guitar Festival, Chicago, July: Only two things would have improved this show: cooler temperatures and Bonnie Raitt.

*Dirty Sexy Money and Cane: I have no idea if these shows are any good; I watch them with music playing, the TV on mute while running on my elliptical. Anything that puts Jimmy Smits and Blair Underwood back on TV is aces in my book.

*Vonage: I can call anywhere in North America and talk as long as I like for $25/month. European rates are pretty cheap, too. 'nuff said.

*Preludes: There simply cannot be too much Zevon in this world.