The Avon Lady and the Knights of the Mod Forum


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Story Book Recap January 28 - By KiKi and Jethro
Come gather round children, and prepare yourselves for the story of a lifetime, an epic tale of heroes, villains, and dungeons. Of creatures so terrible they will haunt both your sleeping and waking hours. Of Champions so flawed you may immediately place yourselves in their positions of danger. Come now, and join us in the narrative we shall name: The Avon Lady and the Knights of the Mod Forum Once Upon A Time… There was an Enchanted Village in which the residents enjoyed a lifestyle of resplendent anonymity. In which each and every one of them could share of themselves only that which they so desired, and no more or no less. It was not a quaint town by any means, and indeed it contained its share of perils if one strayed from the designated paths. But the townsfolk did not fear, for they had their protectors and champions, led by the giant King Keller and his fair and just Queen Yogurty Pie. Together with the Masked Knights of the Mod Forum they vanquished evildoers and quelled the uprisings of the hated and ugly, but often tantalizing Trolls. Life was good in the village, but that was all about to change. Enter a not so fair and not so young maiden named Psychogirliness. Her life in the village was one of laughter and popularity; she had many friends and enjoyed all that the village had to offer. But deep inside her, unknown to all was an urge, twisting and gnawing at her very soul. You see, Psychogirliness wanted to search out the darker side life, and what better way, than to call upon the evil forces of the AVON LADY. Psychogirliness used the Runes of Google to call upon sorceress, and after tense minutes of clicking and searching and clicking some more, the knowledge of the true name and face of the Witch Queen Avon Lady presented itself on her monitor. I pause here dear reader, to relate to you the true terror it would be to call upon her by her proper name. In fact, your feeble little minds would explode to gaze on her true visage. For the purpose of safety, we will picture her as one of her many disguises: a round an unstable housewife named CuteClarice, who presents herself with a disarming smile and flippant attitude. Now Psychogirliness, armed with this knowledge and very little brain matter, bragged to the other folk of the village that she could get the best Avon deals in all the land. And there was much rejoicing. The townspeople built a bonfire and danced and sang deep into the night, chanting: AVON -AVON –AVON- LAAAAAAADY, AVON -AVON -AVON –LAAAAAAADY, Secretly, a few Trolls were nearby, and stole the information as it was loudly declared with reckless abandon. And Trolls always have less than honorable intentions. They sold the information to a neighboring village that goes by the name of 4CHAN, which is inhabited by castoffs and degenerates even more deplorable than the Trolls. These sick and twisted creatures used the information to call upon the Witch Queen and awaken her family, and went as far as to insult the Queen herself by calling her fat and ugly and loserish. Thus the Witch Queen awoke. And she was in a very foul mood. The sky turned red above Psycogirliness' village, and thunder rolled and lightning scorched the earth. Children who were dancing the maypole just moments earlier were huddling in terror, as the screaming was unbearable. The Avon Lady stomped and howled as fire and cornchips flew from her nostrils. “HOW DARE YOU GOOGLE ME AND SHARE MY INFORMATION WITH YOUR VILLAGE!” she spat at them with gin soaked words. I CALL UPON YOUR KING AND QUEEN TO BRING SWIFT HOUSEWIFE JUSTICE TO YOUR SORRY AND INCONSIDERATE ASSES! The Good Queen Yogurty Pie was indeed swift, and banished Psychogirliness to the dungeon where she will be surrounded by celebrity obsessed nutjobs and skinny model wannbees for seven whole days. But this seemed to only calm the beast for mere minutes, and she continued with her ranting and screamed for indiscriminate housewife justice. Queen Yogurty and Giant King Keller gathered their masked Knights and searched for an answer to the dilemma that faced them. Perhaps it was one of the less intelligent Knights that came up with the idea of distraction, but it seemed right to them that they shall unmask themselves to reassure the masses that the Knights were just like them, and would protect them at any cost. And so it was done. Almost immediately, the townspeople quieted themselves and piqued an ear towards Yogurty's announcement. Even the Witch Queen Avon Lady returned to her guise as CuteClarice and gazed in wonder at the exposed faces of the Knights of the Mod Forum. Indeed they were just like them. In fact they were esteemed members of the village who led as double life as protectors and champions. But some of the townsfolk were not placated by this reveal. Some of them felt betrayed that one of their own, even well liked, seemingly stable, and political master debaters would dupe them with lies. Some even cried for housewife justice with complaints about abuse of power. Most troubling of all was the leaking of a sacred text by one who may be called Patriot by some, and Traitor by others. This text revealed the inner workings of the Knights of the Mod Forum and the secrets they kept from the townspeople. The information kept therein was a revelation to many and has pushed talk of revolution to the forefront. What the townsfolk plan to do with their village remains to be seen, but rest assured, as long as the Giant King Keller and the Good Queen Yogurty Pie remain in power, the village and its occupants could very well be burned to the ground on some unsuspecting night. Lost in all this is poor, sad, lonely, and aptly named, Psychogirliness. She sits in her dank hole and contemplates the horror she has brought down upon her once enchanted village. I wonder if she feels any remorse? Perhaps the turning of events that was chronicled here would have taken place without her as a catalyst. And perhaps they may have not taken place at all. But that is a story for another day. I will leave you to contemplate this and hope that you are thankful that you are not one of the principals of the story. If you are, then may god have mercy on your soul.
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Come gather round children, and prepare yourselves for the story of a lifetime, an epic tale of heroes, villains, and dungeons. Of creatures so terrible they will haunt both your sleeping and waking hours. Of Champions so flawed you may immediately place yourselves in their positions of danger. Come now, and join us in the narrative we shall name:

The Avon Lady and the Knights of the Mod Forum

Once Upon A Time…

There was an Enchanted Village in which the residents enjoyed a lifestyle of resplendent anonymity. In which each and every one of them could share of themselves only that which they so desired, and no more or no less. It was not a quaint town by any means, and indeed it contained its share of perils if one strayed from the designated paths. But the townsfolk did not fear, for they had their protectors and champions, led by the giant King Keller and his fair and just Queen Yogurty Pie. Together with the Masked Knights of the Mod Forum they vanquished evildoers and quelled the uprisings of the hated and ugly, but often tantalizing Trolls. Life was good in the village, but that was all about to change.

Enter a not so fair and not so young maiden named Psychogirliness. Her life in the village was one of laughter and popularity; she had many friends and enjoyed all that the village had to offer. But deep inside her, unknown to all was an urge, twisting and gnawing at her very soul. You see, Psychogirliness wanted to search out the darker side life, and what better way, than to call upon the evil forces of the AVON LADY. Psychogirliness used the Runes of Google to call upon sorceress, and after tense minutes of clicking and searching and clicking some more, the knowledge of the true name and face of the Witch Queen Avon Lady presented itself on her monitor.

I pause here dear reader, to relate to you the true terror it would be to call upon her by her proper name. In fact, your feeble little minds would explode to gaze on her true visage. For the purpose of safety, we will picture her as one of her many disguises: a round an unstable housewife named CuteClarice, who presents herself with a disarming smile and flippant attitude.

Now Psychogirliness, armed with this knowledge and very little brain matter, bragged to the other folk of the village that she could get the best Avon deals in all the land. And there was much rejoicing. The townspeople built a bonfire and danced and sang deep into the night, chanting:
AVON -AVON –AVON- LAAAAAAADY,
AVON -AVON -AVON –LAAAAAAADY,

Secretly, a few Trolls were nearby, and stole the information as it was loudly declared with reckless abandon. And Trolls always have less than honorable intentions. They sold the information to a neighboring village that goes by the name of 4CHAN, which is inhabited by castoffs and degenerates even more deplorable than the Trolls. These sick and twisted creatures used the information to call upon the Witch Queen and awaken her family, and went as far as to insult the Queen herself by calling her fat and ugly and loserish.

Thus the Witch Queen awoke. And she was in a very foul mood.

The sky turned red above Psycogirliness' village, and thunder rolled and lightning scorched the earth. Children who were dancing the maypole just moments earlier were huddling in terror, as the screaming was unbearable. The Avon Lady stomped and howled as fire and cornchips flew from her nostrils. “HOW DARE YOU GOOGLE ME AND SHARE MY INFORMATION WITH YOUR VILLAGE!” she spat at them with gin soaked words. I CALL UPON YOUR KING AND QUEEN TO BRING SWIFT HOUSEWIFE JUSTICE TO YOUR SORRY AND INCONSIDERATE ASSES!

The Good Queen Yogurty Pie was indeed swift, and banished Psychogirliness to the dungeon where she will be surrounded by celebrity obsessed nutjobs and skinny model wannbees for seven whole days. But this seemed to only calm the beast for mere minutes, and she continued with her ranting and screamed for indiscriminate housewife justice.

Queen Yogurty and Giant King Keller gathered their masked Knights and searched for an answer to the dilemma that faced them. Perhaps it was one of the less intelligent Knights that came up with the idea of distraction, but it seemed right to them that they shall unmask themselves to reassure the masses that the Knights were just like them, and would protect them at any cost.
And so it was done.

Almost immediately, the townspeople quieted themselves and piqued an ear towards Yogurty's announcement. Even the Witch Queen Avon Lady returned to her guise as CuteClarice and gazed in wonder at the exposed faces of the Knights of the Mod Forum. Indeed they were just like them. In fact they were esteemed members of the village who led as double life as protectors and champions.
But some of the townsfolk were not placated by this reveal. Some of them felt betrayed that one of their own, even well liked, seemingly stable, and political master debaters would dupe them with lies. Some even cried for housewife justice with complaints about abuse of power.
Most troubling of all was the leaking of a sacred text by one who may be called Patriot by some, and Traitor by others. This text revealed the inner workings of the Knights of the Mod Forum and the secrets they kept from the townspeople. The information kept therein was a revelation to many and has pushed talk of revolution to the forefront.
What the townsfolk plan to do with their village remains to be seen, but rest assured, as long as the Giant King Keller and the Good Queen Yogurty Pie remain in power, the village and its occupants could very well be burned to the ground on some unsuspecting night.

Lost in all this is poor, sad, lonely, and aptly named, Psychogirliness. She sits in her dank hole and contemplates the horror she has brought down upon her once enchanted village. I wonder if she feels any remorse? Perhaps the turning of events that was chronicled here would have taken place without her as a catalyst. And perhaps they may have not taken place at all. But that is a story for another day. I will leave you to contemplate this and hope that you are thankful that you are not one of the principals of the story.
If you are, then may god have mercy on your soul.

Story Book Recap