Dick Bigman Recap March 16- Superficial Gallery


HOME	CELEB PICS	FORUM TOOLS	CELEB TONGUES	SHOWCASES	COLUMNS	ARCHIVE
Your Ad Here
Recap Ending March 16
Hello again, news fans, it's time once again for THE WEEKLY RECAP with DICK BIGMAN! The forum crew saw a number of birthdays this week, including Yeti, Rebecca, Kirsten89, Hotspur, Dollface, THS, and MH. Rebecca was honored with 4 threads, which is as it should be. The Bigman once again extends his annual invitation for a birthday spanking and “pony” ride. I've even built a special sock puppet for the occasion. Call me. Sharapova's new slideshow spoofed Little Miss Sunshine, but I feel too much poetic license was taken with the truth. Sure, Logan was dead on, but I have my doubts that LJ ever had anorexia. Ruined the whole movie for me. I hear Logan's still got a whole bag of candy, which is going to make it hard to tell which taffy he's pulling to Dencam's pics. Who can tell one type of smack, smack, smack from another? Apoth lamented the lack of hookers in the Bible Belt, or at least the difficulty in identifying them. It's not that hard to tell the difference between hookers and bible thumpers. One says things like “OH JESUS,” or “OH GOD,” handles snakes, and even makes strange grunts and noises. The other one's a prostitute. In a closely followed race, it was determined that Nina is indeed hotter than a turd, or at least a Turd Ferguson. I demand a runoff between Nina and Mr. Hanky. I think it's a matter of picking the right opposition candidate. In a 2 to 1 margin, the polls showed just how badly Kiki is missed. An amazing result to be sure, since I held all my dupe votes in check. I'm still holding out for before and after noodz. Preferably with a stripper pole, dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo. Or that chick from the Wonder Twins. For a government funded scientific study, of course. Pervs. Tyrone Biggums made a triumphant return to the forums, poking his head above ground like Punxutawney Phil, only to predict further weeks of banning. In other bannination news, DallasTT was banned for sharing account cooties with AlexOkp. He was then unbanned and subsequently rebanned for posting Clarice's phone info and then giving out her name and number in rep world. The forum was shaken to its foundations by lack of interest. And even after YP's warnings, Ricardo Pino, everyone's favorite punching bag and aspiring pedo, was bounced as a result of posting a nasty note to MH, hoping her baby dies. Probably because the kid spurned his advances. We learned this week that Rubicon, despite her lack of job and overflowing piles of money, can indeed pay for a house on cooter credit. Due to weakening of the US economy, rumor has it that Asia and Europe are considering dumping the dollar and switching to cooters, or Rubicons, as a new monetary exchange standard. My agent is in talks, as we speak, to have the Bigman image splashed across the 100 Cooter bill. And finally, we still don't know whose ass it is, but I call dibs on it anyway. In regular news: For starters this week, it was reported that Angelina Jolie, who is already an unstoppable one woman orphanage, will be getting her new Vietnamese child. I swear, she's assimilating small children into her Borg-like collective faster than Ricardo's penis shrinks from the thought of a legal age woman. This one is called Springtime in Asia, comes in a limited number edition, and has a Franklin Mint certificate of authenticity. In other Angelina news, she reported that she had almost been the victim of a kidnap and ransom plot, but managed to escape by showing them family photos. I'm assuming they were planning on taking advantage of her first. I'm not sure they really thought the whole thing out that well, as I'm convinced she could have taken on an entire third world mercenary force by herself, tied all their cocks in a knot with her tongue, and then found some way to include her brother, a box of jelly donuts, a flaming trapeze, and a troop of girl scouts before finishing them off for a photo-op.. Pamela Lee and Tommy? Back on again? I guess the black eyes and the hepatitis weren't enough. I think this is a really bad idea, because she's not very good at escaping. I mean, have you seen how slow she runs on Baywatch? You're not gonna dodge a punch at that rate, especially with those funbags and a bad liver dragging you down. Maybe Borat and Kid Rock can share a consolatory rubber fist and a beer when the next video comes out. And as BRITWATCH 2007 continues this week, reports are coming in that she is still fucking nuts, reportedly denying she has any reason to be in rehab, throwing tantrums, being generally shitty to the staff, and downing 24 Cokes a day. She also has a new boyfriend, whom I'm pretty sure she thinks is hallucinatory. Or a platypus. Now all that's missing is her huffing freon from the AC system, slam humping the doorknobs, and a set of Minnie Mouse ears tattooed over her vag. And, of course, a visit from Tom Cruise with a helpful presentation on Scientology. I hope they have a couch and a video camera. During a visit to Sydney to promote Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone was caught lying to authorities and trying to sneak large quantities of the human growth hormone Jintropin into Australia. It seems that Rocky doesn't get his awesome physique solely from beating his meat, and he is now facing heavy fines and possible jail time. Frankly, I'm amazed they let him on a plane to begin with. How is it that he can unleash multiple bombs on the American public, and still not be on the no fly list? There are thousands upon thousands of Americans who are still trying desperately to recover from the tragedy of Oscar and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Where's the justice? Where's the huge manatee? It was announced that Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton will be counseling the overweight in a new season of the Simple Life. Great. Maybe they'll show One Night in Paris as an appetite suppressant. Maybe next season, they can have them counsel high school kids on drinking and safe sex. Stage the whole thing on a bus with Paris driving, have Nicole put on a bathing suit, Rick Soloman can dickslap everyone for the scared straight aspect, and you could set it all to a Lionel Richie soundtrack. When the class rushes the driver's seat and steers right off a fucking cliff, you won't have to worry about any of them abusing drugs or getting pregnant. And finally, scientists have announced that the clouded leopard of Borneo has turned out to be an entirely new species of cat. An entirely new type of pussy. I hope someone straightens out the misunderstanding before Bumba's plane touches down over there. Well, that's it in a nutshell, and this is the Bigman wishing everyone a happy, happy Irish pub crawl through the gutter. And take it from me. Learn from my past experience, and don't let the green beer goggles fool you. Just because some guy is dressed as a leprechaun and standing next to a rainbow, doesn't mean you're in for a pot o' gold. Sometimes you just wake up wrapped in a gay pride banner, with only a hangover, a sore ass and the vague memory of a terribly placed shillelagh to comfort you. May you all get to heaven a half hour before the devil finds you passed out and bent over a park bench. Bigman out! ****************************************************************** ACTION NEWS TEAM! With DICK BIGMAN And Intrepid Reporter, Mistress House! We cover the asinine, so you don't have to! ******************************************************************
Your Ad Here

Hello again, news fans, it's time once again for THE WEEKLY RECAP with DICK BIGMAN!

The forum crew saw a number of birthdays this week, including Yeti, Rebecca, Kirsten89, Hotspur, Dollface, THS, and MH. Rebecca was honored with 4 threads, which is as it should be. The Bigman once again extends his annual invitation for a birthday spanking and “pony” ride. I've even built a special sock puppet for the occasion. Call me.

Sharapova's new slideshow spoofed Little Miss Sunshine, but I feel too much poetic license was taken with the truth. Sure, Logan was dead on, but I have my doubts that LJ ever had anorexia. Ruined the whole movie for me. I hear Logan's still got a whole bag of candy, which is going to make it hard to tell which taffy he's pulling to Dencam's pics. Who can tell one type of smack, smack, smack from another?

Apoth lamented the lack of hookers in the Bible Belt, or at least the difficulty in identifying them. It's not that hard to tell the difference between hookers and bible thumpers. One says things like “OH JESUS,” or “OH GOD,” handles snakes, and even makes strange grunts and noises. The other one's a prostitute.

In a closely followed race, it was determined that Nina is indeed hotter than a turd, or at least a Turd Ferguson. I demand a runoff between Nina and Mr. Hanky. I think it's a matter of picking the right opposition candidate.

In a 2 to 1 margin, the polls showed just how badly Kiki is missed. An amazing result to be sure, since I held all my dupe votes in check. I'm still holding out for before and after noodz. Preferably with a stripper pole, dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo. Or that chick from the Wonder Twins. For a government funded scientific study, of course. Pervs.

Tyrone Biggums made a triumphant return to the forums, poking his head above ground like Punxutawney Phil, only to predict further weeks of banning. In other bannination news, DallasTT was banned for sharing account cooties with AlexOkp. He was then unbanned and subsequently rebanned for posting Clarice's phone info and then giving out her name and number in rep world. The forum was shaken to its foundations by lack of interest.

And even after YP's warnings, Ricardo Pino, everyone's favorite punching bag and aspiring pedo, was bounced as a result of posting a nasty note to MH, hoping her baby dies. Probably because the kid spurned his advances.

We learned this week that Rubicon, despite her lack of job and overflowing piles of money, can indeed pay for a house on cooter credit. Due to weakening of the US economy, rumor has it that Asia and Europe are considering dumping the dollar and switching to cooters, or Rubicons, as a new monetary exchange standard. My agent is in talks, as we speak, to have the Bigman image splashed across the 100 Cooter bill.

And finally, we still don't know whose ass it is, but I call dibs on it anyway.

In regular news:

For starters this week, it was reported that Angelina Jolie, who is already an unstoppable one woman orphanage, will be getting her new Vietnamese child. I swear, she's assimilating small children into her Borg-like collective faster than Ricardo's penis shrinks from the thought of a legal age woman. This one is called Springtime in Asia, comes in a limited number edition, and has a Franklin Mint certificate of authenticity.

In other Angelina news, she reported that she had almost been the victim of a kidnap and ransom plot, but managed to escape by showing them family photos. I'm assuming they were planning on taking advantage of her first. I'm not sure they really thought the whole thing out that well, as I'm convinced she could have taken on an entire third world mercenary force by herself, tied all their cocks in a knot with her tongue, and then found some way to include her brother, a box of jelly donuts, a flaming trapeze, and a troop of girl scouts before finishing them off for a photo-op..

Pamela Lee and Tommy? Back on again? I guess the black eyes and the hepatitis weren't enough. I think this is a really bad idea, because she's not very good at escaping. I mean, have you seen how slow she runs on Baywatch? You're not gonna dodge a punch at that rate, especially with those funbags and a bad liver dragging you down. Maybe Borat and Kid Rock can share a consolatory rubber fist and a beer when the next video comes out.

And as BRITWATCH 2007 continues this week, reports are coming in that she is still fucking nuts, reportedly denying she has any reason to be in rehab, throwing tantrums, being generally shitty to the staff, and downing 24 Cokes a day. She also has a new boyfriend, whom I'm pretty sure she thinks is hallucinatory. Or a platypus. Now all that's missing is her huffing freon from the AC system, slam humping the doorknobs, and a set of Minnie Mouse ears tattooed over her vag. And, of course, a visit from Tom Cruise with a helpful presentation on Scientology. I hope they have a couch and a video camera.

During a visit to Sydney to promote Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone was caught lying to authorities and trying to sneak large quantities of the human growth hormone Jintropin into Australia. It seems that Rocky doesn't get his awesome physique solely from beating his meat, and he is now facing heavy fines and possible jail time. Frankly, I'm amazed they let him on a plane to begin with. How is it that he can unleash multiple bombs on the American public, and still not be on the no fly list? There are thousands upon thousands of Americans who are still trying desperately to recover from the tragedy of Oscar and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Where's the justice? Where's the huge manatee?

It was announced that Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton will be counseling the overweight in a new season of the Simple Life. Great. Maybe they'll show One Night in Paris as an appetite suppressant. Maybe next season, they can have them counsel high school kids on drinking and safe sex. Stage the whole thing on a bus with Paris driving, have Nicole put on a bathing suit, Rick Soloman can dickslap everyone for the scared straight aspect, and you could set it all to a Lionel Richie soundtrack. When the class rushes the driver's seat and steers right off a fucking cliff, you won't have to worry about any of them abusing drugs or getting pregnant.

And finally, scientists have announced that the clouded leopard of Borneo has turned out to be an entirely new species of cat. An entirely new type of pussy. I hope someone straightens out the misunderstanding before Bumba's plane touches down over there.

Well, that's it in a nutshell, and this is the Bigman wishing everyone a happy, happy Irish pub crawl through the gutter. And take it from me. Learn from my past experience, and don't let the green beer goggles fool you. Just because some guy is dressed as a leprechaun and standing next to a rainbow, doesn't mean you're in for a pot o' gold. Sometimes you just wake up wrapped in a gay pride banner, with only a hangover, a sore ass and the vague memory of a terribly placed shillelagh to comfort you. May you all get to heaven a half hour before the devil finds you passed out and bent over a park bench. Bigman out!

********************************************************************
ACTION NEWS TEAM! With DICK BIGMAN
And Intrepid Reporter, Mistress House!

We cover the asinine, so you don't have to!
********************************************************************

Recap Ending March 16