STAFF
- THEY ARE THE REASON
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| Evangeline - Content Director. The Gallery would probably still be pink and blue and consist mainly of pictures of people you don't know if it were not for evangeline. She polishes all of the columns. She makes pages. She manages the staff (that's as dirty as it sounds). And she is also integral to the recruitment and hiring of new writers. If there is a place on her ass that does not have lip prints on it, then we are not doing our jobs, because she deserves it. |
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| JW - Columnist Manager: JW has become indispensable - he finds and manages all the new writers! And despite our best efforts, he still writes well, writes often and helps out around the office. We can't seem to slow him down. He does the work of three men. The three men from Riptide, pictured at the right. |
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Morticia - Vice President. It may not be possible to properly express the volume and value of morticia's contributions. Throughout 2005 and 2006, she gathered more content for The Gallery than anyone did. We are certain that soon she will recover from her malaria and be back on track.
And, in the greatest column never posted, she showed everyone in the staff forum the private messages she gets from other boards as she whores The Gallery. We will make it a column some day if we can just stop laughing at the way British guys talk dirty. |
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| Joelle - Celeb Pics Manager: Joelle is a shining example of how actually doing things for The Gallery is the best way to be promoted. Her work is above reproach and she has done more for the celeb section in a week than anyone else has in the last six months. And the fact that she could have sent one pic of Rhea Perlman and the previous statement would still have been true is completely beside the point. We suspect Joelle will be taking over the whole gallery soon. We hope to at least keep a tape dispenser or a stapler as a memento. |
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| Yeti - Columnist: Curse the alphabet. Not only is Yeti extraordinarily talented, his thought process makes everything he does that much better. Look at it this way: If we could create images like he does, we would be making pictures of Darth Vader ramming all the girls from America’s Next Top Model. The only thing we regret about Yeti is that his work takes time and raises the bar for the rest of the half-assed shit we do. Good going...whole-ass. And let’s chat about the Darth Vader ramming pics. |
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| Vagianta - Columnist: She writes like Hemingway or maybe we think that because when we think about her we picture a fat bearded man with half of a head. But that's not really fair. The before shotgun Hemingway is what we really should think about. We aren't gay for Hemingway. But we would go gay for Vag. Look over at that picture. Do you think Vagianta really looks like Reon Kadena? Imagine if she looked like that AND wrote as well as she does. And had a whole head. What a catch she would be. Her shopping lists would be worthy of reproduction and distribution. Stay away from Idaho, Vagianta. Please. |
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| Hotspur - Columnist: Hotspur adds some manliness to the staff. Like most guys, he started sniffing around the Headquarters because that's where all the girls are. But he actually stayed after finding out they are viciously mean. Score one tough guy for us! You can look forward to a variety of topics from Hotspur. Some may call that unfocused but we prefer to call it range. In fact, we are going to demand that he write a column about robot sex slaves at some point. And not ACTUAL robot sex slaves. That's too easy. He has to make up his own. And he's good enough to pull it off. |
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Bumba - Columnist: What can we say about Bumba? Well, lots of things. The most important thing to tell you is that he knows the hip-hop world, inside and out and writes knowledgably about it. Bumba has talent and heart.
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| jethro - Columnist: jethro has been on staff for a long time. According to our calculations, since 2005 he has averaged about one letter every three days. I don't know if it is the thought and the care he puts into the articles or the copious amounts of hippie drugs he ingests, but either way, his work is always a joy to read. We nag him but only because when he puts out, it is soooooo satisfying. And by the way, today's letter happened to be: "L." |
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September 2007 | August 2007 | July 2007 | June 07 | May 07 | April 07
March 07 | February 07 | January 07
2006 |
