Author Archive
I like it when I get emails that are all scary. Speaking in the first person as a criminal or a Wall Street fat cat or Hitler is extra horrifying. So get ready for a whole bunch of terror. Burglar style!
THIRTEEN THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON’T TELL YOU:
(Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs “Crimedoctor.com” and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.)
(particularly interesting is the part about the wasp spray…)
So we know what we are about round here. We aren’t really complex. We have a few things we do pretty well. One of them is make fun of celebrities ans LeAnn Rimes (Ol’ Squinty) is always a good target. But you may not all know just how many Celebrity Pics we have and how we categorize them and why the pic after the jump fits like, all of them. Forget the fact that Ms. Rimes looks like a Sleestack and is so skinny if you hugged her it would be like hugging a bag full of leaves and sticks. She makes up for those shortcomings by seeming pretty trampy.
As for the pic? Well, we have the following things that catch our eye around here.
Why? Because the other body parts are too competitive. And tbh we are getting KILLED on the feet. You people are freaks. But after the jump, we start our move, in a pic that has all three! Maybe if you know some celebrities you could get them to post for us. Come on! We’d do it for you! Now go past the jump for hot lizard action!
So my pal Jessica is going to be a HOST at this fancy awards show. It is called the Artists In Music Awards and despite the fact that I didn’t really read their site, I can tell you with 0% conviction that it is an awards show for people who paint guitars. Or they paint guitars on things. Or maybe they paint guitars on other guitars. That’s what I would vote for if I were a judge. Here is the official description:
The Artists In Music Awards was created to honor and recognize the best independent music artists from around the world. Many artists produce music deserving of radio play, but few get to shine in the world of mainstream. We def believe in supporting indie acts.
It’s in Los Angeles on Feb 10th and you can get tickets here. I would go if I didn’t already have important international plans that night. I need to go to the store and live in North Carolina help Milla Jovovich pick out sexy underwear in Switzerland so I can’t go. I know that sucks and you might think to yourself: “why bother if Acadia isn’t there”? Well like I told you, my friend is one of the hosts and if you go you can see her. And she can just email me whenever she wants and if I go to Los Angeles she will let me stay at her house. CAN YOU IMAGINE?
Anyway – she’s my friend, she is famous and fancy and you people should go to the thing. What if she becomes the next Billy Crystal? You don’t wanna miss that!
The girl in the banner is Reon Kadena. She is beautiful and from Japan. Maybe some day I will do a Bikini Sunday with her. That would be good. But that’s not what you get today. Today you get something else Japan is good at delivering. Complete crazy horror. BUT! It is complete crazy horror in a bikini.
Check out the pics. Is it a man? A woman? Did it wear the suit to the beach? Who took the pictures? Do THEY have a suit, too? I need some help on this one. Anyone from Japan? P.S. I have a whole site full of this stuff so unless you want me to scare you with it every so often, you better help me!
“Party Up” by DMX is a good example of a video that could have pretty much gone with any song, and it sort of wrecks the song that they decided to use it for. In my opinion, “Party Up” is completely about a guy cookin’ up a big pot of revenge and getting ready to go out and do damage. Like you know in the Rambo movies when they get dressed for an hour because they have so many knives and guns and holsters and stuff. They tie on headbands and clip hand grenades and sandwiches to their shirts and get all greasy and ready to fight.
That’s what DMX should have been doing instead of running in and out of a fool bank with a silly hat on. Had zero to do with the song. Might as well have shown him getting into a mix up at the Jiffy Lube because he had a coupon but the dude said it was only good on Tuesday and DMX was all: “I’m DMX and it is Tuesday if I say it is, oil boy!” And then oil boy said fine and said he would do the oil change at the discounted rate but when DMX went into the little waiting room he went to get some coffee and it was all burnt and he went nuts and yelled at everyone. That would be better than the bank robbery one.
Please note I have added a tag called: “Acadia’s Genius Ideas” and slapped that bad boy right on this. I better not see a Jiffy Lube video any time soon… Video and lyrics after the jump.
Who cares if it is only going to be a dumb commercial? Maybe someone will think about doing a sequel anyway. It’s not like ANYONE who was in that movie is doing anything. Some of them probably don’t even know about the YouTube thing because they don’t have Internet. Poor schlubs. And it would write itself. In fact, I might write it right now. See you in a couple of hours. How many pages is a movie?