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I am smug! And pierced! With shitty eyebrows! But I'm on TV!

Although I never claimed to be a fan of Tiger Woods, I would have thought he was a bit brighter. The cheating does not surprise me but some of the decaying road kill he has been linked to is unbelievable. I know I know!  He was under duress because his daddy did it too. Whatfuckingever.

His wife Elin Nordegren is HOT.  He, on the other hand, is rather homely!  This hardly seems to matter though; a lot of insanely hot women pair up with aesthetically inferior men who cheat on them. Apparently even a beautiful Swedish model like Elin can end up with an ego maniacal pervert who is incapable of keeping his golf club at home.

Elin, like many women, has the misfortune to see the faces of the sluts their husbands are banging behind their backs. Sure, she is pissed that he cheated. Yes, she is tired of being accosted by the paps about it. Of course she is worried about how the children will be affected. But aside from all of that, she is more than likely disgusted and livid over the fact that Tiger would risk everything he has with her just to bust a nut with some of the nasty skanks he has been linked with. In some ways, this is more embarrassing that the simple fact that he cheated.

More after the jump!

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amber-rose

Damn! All I can think of when I look at this picture of Amber Rose is the jumbo roll of Reynolds Wrap in my kitchen. Seriously, think about it for minute: I am sure you will see the resemblance immediately. The only thing missing is the box.

Since Kanye West is so well known for his arrogance, it hardly makes sense that his arm candy be wrapped in foil rather than something a little more impressive (perhaps a burlap sack with a bag of concrete attached to her ankles near a bridge). Then again, while I love her shoes, those big ass things definitely were not meant to be paired with this get-up. However, they will almost suffice as concrete.

After all, it is not like he needs any help in the bad publicity department. He is quite capable of making himself look like the proverbial horse’s ass. I can only imagine the possible insults he could fling at her when she dresses like this (such as telling her Beyonce would look better in it for starters). This could lead to something ugly and we might be looking at another Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. Why risk it, girl?

Amber (Alyssa Audrey Rose) may be a model with the Ford Agency and all, but she needs to check herself for this fashion faux pas. It appears she is prepared to go back to working at a strip club with this outfit. Heidi Klum may be able to pull this off and look hot as hell in it but it is not at all flattering on Amber.

Amber is actually a very stunning woman and well known for her nude modeling. It simply goes to show that even a woman with a killer body can look like a flying saucer in the distance if she wears craziness such as this.

I think if you go into the kitchen right now and put a roll of aluminum foil on an upright paper towel holder, you will have your very own Amber Rose to do with as you please. If that isn’t what your fantasies are made of, you surely have plenty of company.  If it is what your fantasies are made of, then HAPPY MONDAY to you!

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