Archive for the ‘Female Celebrity Pictures’ Category
I am really busy and I need to go to New York so I can only do two pictures. But since I am awesome, I found two people who were actually born in NYC. Up above there is someone named Lake Bell. Her parents must have conceived her on a buoy.
In the pic below, we have Sarah Michelle Gellar. Who knew she was born in NYC? Not me. Didn’t she have a show this season? Wasn’t she supposed to be a super good actress? You mean Buffy was only a cult hit? Like Firefly? Weird. I thought Joss Whedon was a huge genius. Too bad 14 million people don’t work at “Entertainment Weekly”. Buffy would still be on the air. Firefly, too.
I’ll be gone until Thursday, btw. So if anything gets published it won’t be me. *washes hands*
Bikini Sunday is an institution now, like “Meet the Press” and church. People get all excited to see who it’s going to be, then gaze appreciatively and the beauty we offer. So why I am using a pic of Scarlett Johansson in her full Avengers outfit? I mean, she is one of the hottest young starlets out there, right?
Makes no sense that I am focusing on how pretty her face is and how she can not only pull off, but look great in an outfit that covers up so much of her famous body. No sense at all.
Well it is not easy to get bikini pictures of someone who apparently never goes swimming. Seriously. There are a million photos of her on the red carpet for this or that but pics of her hangin’ by the pool or romping on a yacht are more rare than animated gifs of Bigfoot. Why? She’s a movie star. I am sure she can take a million vacations. Does she just go skiing? Why doesn’t she show off in skimpy bikinis?
*looks at pics*
Oh. Got it. She doesn’t look like someone whose job is to look perfect. Well lah dee dah Miss Fancy Actress! Acting like the rest of us. How dare you. How dare you?
I started writing this like, five times and then got distracted by (in order):
- Thinking up ways to destroy the chive
- Thrifty Ninja talking to me on IM
- Some stupid thing on Google Plus I didn’t even understand
- Fixing the capital letter in this list.
I realize that I know nothing about Kate Upton other than that she is in “Sports Illustrated” and not “Vogue”. This reinforces my belief that when women complain about “society” telling women they need to be wicked skinny, they mean Vogue. So to them, society is Vogue. For men, society is Kate Upton. Looks like we are pretty enlightened now, doesn’t it?
JAG! That’s what this chick is from. JAG! I wonder if she regrets that at all. I mean, she got paid, and I have to assume any day when your job is being on a TV show has to beat a day when your job is something else, but I can’t help but wonder if she wanted more.
I also wonder if she would be mad that I am speaking about her in the past tense. For all I know she is dead. Or maybe JAG won the Emmy for best show I never saw an episode of. And please don’t think I am one of those “I don’t watch TV” people. Gah, no. I would like to gather all those people together and find out how many novels or cures or new recipes they have created with all the time they saved by not watching TV. Come on, you hippie snobs, show me!
Bah, they got nothing. They like to yak about how they have “better things to do” than watch the “idiot box”. But they are full of crap. KNITTING AND SCRAP-BOOKING AND THE OTHER CRAP YOU DO IS NOT BETTER, HIPPIES.
Anyway, JAG! Take a look at Ms. Bell’s Bells. Perhaps you can figure out my complicated bikini choosing criteria. *puts on fake glasses and stares at clipboard*
We may have done Bikini Sunday with Kristen Bell before. I don’t care. Just look at how cute she is. Look how…Nordic her head looks. Did you know that people used to call Norwegians “Square-Heads”? That was racism against Norwegians. Think about that. White people used to be so racist that they even had a racist slur for the whitest people there are. How incredibly racist.
Things aren’t like that anymore, though. The Norwegians have overcome the racism they encountered and went on to become the bosses of Norway. And perhaps Minnesota. And they also spawned Kristen Bell. And you can see her in a bikini in the 30 pics below. Obviously, the pics were not taken in Norway, which I assume is always covered with snow. They should move. Stupid Square-Heads.
So we know what we are about round here. We aren’t really complex. We have a few things we do pretty well. One of them is make fun of celebrities ans LeAnn Rimes (Ol’ Squinty) is always a good target. But you may not all know just how many Celebrity Pics we have and how we categorize them and why the pic after the jump fits like, all of them. Forget the fact that Ms. Rimes looks like a Sleestack and is so skinny if you hugged her it would be like hugging a bag full of leaves and sticks. She makes up for those shortcomings by seeming pretty trampy.
As for the pic? Well, we have the following things that catch our eye around here.
Why? Because the other body parts are too competitive. And tbh we are getting KILLED on the feet. You people are freaks. But after the jump, we start our move, in a pic that has all three! Maybe if you know some celebrities you could get them to post for us. Come on! We’d do it for you! Now go past the jump for hot lizard action!
