Every single person in the following pictures has a tattoo somewhere on his/her body which reads, “Necessity is the mother of invention.”  They probably all have one of Tweety bird, too.

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Them's some melons! Wait.

A woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.  The woman asked him, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?”

The gentleman responded, “Twice a day, I stand in front of my tomato garden, naked in my trench coat, and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So, twice a day for two weeks, she flashed her garden, hoping for the best.

Eventually, the neighbor was passing her house and stopped to ask her, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”

“No,” she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous!”

He has a box of All Bran every day.

Well, it’s shit.  That’s right: shit!  Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.  You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,and tell others to eat shit.  Some people know their shit, while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.  There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.  There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.  You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the sh it, or duck when the shit hits the fan.  You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.  You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.  Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.  Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.  You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.  You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.  Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.  When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of the English language.  And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anything else! !  You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don’t give a shit!

Well, shit, it’s time for me to go.  Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit.  But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head…well, shit happens!!!

When your boyfriend, husband or significant other does something that makes you angry, don’t give in to the  temptation to argue and fight. Just count to ten, remain calm and, after he goes to bed, super-glue his flip flops  to the floor.

I could watch this one over and over.

Oh, wait a minute. I have!

Don't let this happen to you!

I have recently learned that all computer screens are covered with bacteria, dust, germs, and such – on the inside of the screen – that can be dangerous to your health.  This is caused by a variety of reasons and can prove to be a health hazard for everyone who uses a computer.  Some people at the CDC in Atlanta have recently said that this problem can be as dangerous as cigarette smoke because of the time that most people now spend on computer at work and at home.  This is especially concerning in light of the rapid spread of H1N1.

As a special present to each of you, I am providing you with a means to correct this growing health concern.  Please click on this link.  It will clean the inside of your computer screen.