Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category
The Super Bowl is going to run what, four hours, say? That’s 14440 seconds. That means you could watch my alternative: Barefoot Bill’s Naked Guy Zombie Movie about 145 times in the same stretch. Fuck that Super Bowl. Tom Brady rules. And fuck Peyton Manning’s stupid brother. And fuck you, Ray Lewis, you and your fat RAVENS! But I digress.
I am currently in high level negotiations with Barefoot Bill (check out his link only if you want a lot of naked man) to become the guy half of the Gallery’s Official Naked Couple. So far the negotiations have gone like this: Something something. Bill telling me him and his lady partner are fine being naked. Me saying okay. Bill going to get the snow off his car (I presume with clothes on). Me writing this post.
So since I never asked anyone else to be naked on the site before (and technically I didn’t really ask him) I guess I am batting 1000 with the whole: “hey, be naked on the site” thing. So after the jump, you can see Bill as a zombie who apparently got made a zombie while he was taking a bath, cause he’s naked. Also he tries to strangle his victim instead of eating his brains. And he’s naked. So I expect some thoughtful reviews of this clip. It’s a real movie. But this scene was cut out because the director realized that the zombie was a naked dude. Now go watch! Oh, and if stupid Vimeo doesn’t work with your browser then click the link. I’m not your personal projectionist. Douche.
Roald Dahl is just...wow.
My Netflix Instant Watch was beckoning and I wanted something magical and fun. What fits the bill better than Roald Dahl’s Matilda? It is dark and charming and I thoroughly approve, which I rarely do of a book adapted to a movie. Generally, if I love a book, I will hate the movie made from it. The Princess Bride and Breakfast at Tiffany’s are my two exceptions.
One thing is driving me batty though and I call upon you, dear readers (and B.sack) to assist me. If I don’t get this figured out, I won’t sleep. There are only two songs in the whole movie and the one below is played twice (Send Me on My Way by Rusted Root). It sounds so much like something else, like a song I already know, the rhythmic hook especially. By the way, if you (I mean Acadia) don’t know what a rhythmic hook is, click here. I just know it is reminding me of another song and it’s not just the music; it’s the guy’s voice, too. Talking Heads’ David Byrne came to mind and so did Neil Finn of Crowded House but neither is quite right. I think the song I am struggling to think of is from that same time which is why I associated them with it. Please, dear lard, tell me what song it is I am thinking of. Or just say names of songs. Or you can wonder if I knew the guy from Crowded House’s name was Neil Finn because he is my uncle. For the record: he’s not. But I love him waaaay more than I love my actual uncle. Fall At Your Feet is one of my favorite songs. Now help me!
Brittany Murphy, actress and the voice of Luann on King of the Hill (badass) died today at the age of 32. When asked for comment, all the people who had already finished their “who died in 2009″ things said: Fuck.
The people who get paid to do this decided to find Hollywood people’s tweets about it and publish them. Nothing like condolences from someone’s phone while they do coke and get/give blowjobs. Thanks, technology! Who fucking paid a newspaper to read twitter? That’s what I do. Nobody pays me!
Hollypocalypse wins again.
Johnny Depp was awarded Sexiest Man Alive for the second time by People magazine. If I were in charge, he would have been named that every year for the last…twenty? And for the next twenty, natch. I predict he, Robert Downey, Jr. and Leonardo DiCaprio will be remembered as this generation’s greatest actors. Of that group of impressive thespians (they really do become the character!), only dear darling Johnny is beautiful, strong, delicate, weird and brilliant. Not many guys can wear eyeliner and facial hair* and still come off manly as hell. His conversational range, his grasp of topics and his insight and comprehension leave me breathless. He hangs out with people who can keep up with him (Hunter S. Thompson for one shining example) and doesn’t give the rest of the Hollywood crap a second thought. His priorities are so solidly in the proper place.
Gaze upon the many faces of Senor Depp
One of the funniest things I ever saw on Letterman was Depp explaining what it is like to spend time with his then-two-year-old. Basically, he said it was like hanging out with a tiny little drunk. Toddlers fall down randomly, laugh and cry for no reason, wet themselves and blurt out bizarre shit.
I’m not much of a movie lover but I see everything this man does. Once Upon a Time in Mexico was pretty underrated. The eye gouging thing still fucking haunts me, at the end when Eva Mendes kisses him and he tricks her with a fake arm and shoots her while the blood is dripping down his face behind his sunglasses. I think this may be the only Antonio Banderas movie I’ve ever seen. But that twirling to avoid the bullet and shooting the dude’s kneecaps from behind his back is really very awesome. Ruben Blades is pretty hot, too, come to think of it. Oh fuck it, just watch the last eight minutes or so for yourself.
Sometimes, youtube is incredible. There’s another vid after the jump for the true fans. I mean…whoa.
*I realize facial hair is, by definition, manly. I don’t care for it in general and the sentence just worked and I’m sick and oh deal with it!
There's something strange...in their neighborhood.
S
Stupid Girl. You should have gone to the mall. Nobody sees ghosts at the mall.
o I watched Paranormal Activity this past weekend and I realized that even though I was psyched to see it, I still wanted to punch it in the face when I was finished with it. But not for the reason you’d think. I don’t think I am mad at it because it is a fairly decent horror movie that someone made for cheap. I am mad that it is a fairly decent horror movie that you and I could have made for less than eleven thousand dollars and it would not have become some big sensation. Cause it isn’t THAT good.
Is it good at all? Well, I guess it depends on if you liked Blair Witch Project. If you did, then you will like this. If you didn’t you probably won’t like this. If anyone tells you that they are not alike, take that person’s eye and bite it. Hard. They are lying. If you changed the house into some woods, and the two people in this movie into three people it would be the same movie.
So why did everyone get such a boner for this movie? I really don’t know. There are a couple of good shock scares in it, but the ending (whether the theatrical version or the original) is stupid. The acting itself is good and I read that the director wanted to really make it seem home made in case some studio bought it and wanted to pretend it was real. And maybe THAT’S my problem with it.
See, I don’t care how shitty the camera work is, or how ‘real’ the acting and dialogue is (apparently there was not much of a script so they would ad-lib and seem natural) nobody would ever believe this is real. Why? Because: SPOILER ALERT - Spoiler after the cut!
