You ever know someone who makes every party they are at more fun? They know lots of interesting things to keep the conversation flowing. They make everyone laugh. Then they get too drunk and turn a little mean, but in a sexy way? That's this website.
I remember a while back that people were reviewing the trailer for this movie, and then I did it too, cause wtf. I can jump on bandwagons as easy as anyone else. But then I was in the video store and saw the movie I had been talking about. It was a straight to DVD deal called Trick ‘R Treat. It has Anna Paquin in it (for you True Blood fans) and is generally a pretty decent horror movie. The stories intertwine and the whole deal takes place in this town that apparently takes Halloween REALLY seriously.
If you are interested in super gore horror porn, this is not for you. There are some somewhat graphic scenes and some truly wonderful vomiting, but it is not Hostel or Saw or anything like that. But it also isn’t anything for kids. Well, unless they are the kind of kids who don’t mind some murdering. The stories are clever and the little dude up there in the picture was pretty cool. Learn some more after the jump.
Did you know that they put reviews from websites on movies? For real? How do I get on that bandwagon? Someone send me their movies. I’ll review it. I even tried out some special review blurbs for practice:
[Movie Name] is sexier then my stepsister, who isn’t related to me by blood.
Just when I thought [Movie Name] could not get any better, that thing on my shoulder popped!
The Godfather sucks compared to [Movie Name] and also Al Pacino is gay (for real).
The torrent of [Movie Name] gave me fewer viruses than your mom.
If that fat dope from aintitcoolnews can do it, why not me? I think all I would need to do is make my font 30 points bigger and kiss everyone’s ass. So I will start here – with this movie that is only coming out on DVD and all I have seen of it is the trailer below. Trick ‘r Treat stars Anna Paquin and looks from the trailer to be a fun Halloween flick. Anna Paquin probably doesn’t show her boobs like she does in True Blood but she looks pretty hot in that Little Red Riding Hood suit and anything involving a ‘Halloween School Bus Massacre’ MUST be good.
OK – start sending me free shit, Movie Studios. I need me some stress balls and magnets and key chains. Christmas is coming. Now watch the trailer and write your own review – maybe one of you will catch the eye of the studios!
USA Network is having a James Bond Marathon today, and they started with the George Lazenby one. Or whatever his name is. There have been a bunch of James Bond’s and I think people who are really into it have little slap fights about who was the best one. Sean Connery or Roger Moore or Michael Moore or whoever else played him. I never cared too much. And I never wondered if Captain Kirk was better or worse than Captain Picard, either. I guess I am not learned enough to make an educated decision. I do know that Arnold was way better than Al on Happy Days. Wayyy better. But we are talking about James Bond – so here is a video of Eddie Izzard talking about James Bond. I will make you fuckers love Eddie Izzard if it’s the last thing I do!
I don’t know who this will surprise. I mean, if I could get a few billion in exchange for letting some dude who will be dead soon out of jail, I would so do it. But I would have also had the plane blown up as soon as it got over Libya and then insisted it was a coincidence. Then I would have spent all my delicious money.
Here’s the opening quote of the story, guaranteed to tug at your heartstrings:
Some knew her, others only knew of her. But they will never forget the day 18 years ago when the blonde, blue-eyed 11-year-old was snatched in broad daylight on her way to a bus stop.
So yeah….this girl. Then that model who got stuffed in the suitcase. That chick down in Aruba or whatever it was, Natalie Holloway? It sucks that all these white girls are getting kidnapped and murdered. This must be a great time to be black or Asian or Latino or something other that white. Cause I have been watching the news all day, and apparently nobody who isn’t white ever gets kidnapped or murdered. Except Michael Jackson, and that’s iffy.
I don’t usually think about Los Angeles very much unless it involves the Nakatomi Building and John McLean battling Professor Snape. But this story caught my eye because apparently:
Mandatory evacuations were in effect for neighborhoods in Altadena, Glendale, Pasadena, La Crescenta and Big Tujunga Canyon.
Do all of those things count as Los Angeles? I have actually heard of Glendale and Pasadena, but I thought they were their own towns? Do people have to write Big Tujunga Canyon on their envelopes as their return address? Does anyone really care very much if rich people in Los Angeles get their houses burned down? I don’t think so. I remember the year of hurricane Katrina, later on that year there was hurricane Wilma. I lived in Boca Raton, FL at the time and that hurricane fucked us all up. No power or water, my car got flattened and blah blah. But does anyone care when non poor people get disastered? Nope. Talking to some rich fuck in Palm Beach who tearfully looks over the ruins of his estate and says in a choked voice: “I guess I will have to take my helicopter to my place on the Outer Banks” does not foster ratings.
What’s the last hurricane in Florida you remember hearing about? Andrew, right? Why? Cause it wiped out poor people. Rich people can’t get a break. Except that they’re rich, I guess. I don’t know.
Dont worry Amanda. That noise you hear under your bed is just me. I dusted for you. Dont' run!
I watched A Haunting in Connecticut and as I turned off the DVD player I felt a sense of disappointment I had not felt since I saw Debbie Gibson naked. I was excited about the movie cause the documentary on the Discovery Channel was intriguing and I thought they would play the move straight. They didn’t and as a result it sucked. The only bright spot in the whole ordeal was that I met Amanda Crew. Who I will marry.
If you want to hear all about the movie and the awesome true story then I have it all after the jump. If you just want to look at Amanda Crew, then you can do that, too. But only look with one eye. Cause she is mine.
I mentioned this on Twitter last night, and I will say it here. I got an email last night which is either a big fat joke or for some reason someone thinks we are a real website or something and can help be a part of their ‘viral’ marketing. So for now, I am gonna play along cause I think it is cool. Then again, I went to a message board for a while where people made superhero costumes, took pictures of themselves and made pretend superhero movies and I thought THAT was cool. At least until I got all the way through the picture thread and realized I had looked at 74 pages of mostly dudes and not hot chicks.
This might be the same thing, but take a look and comment on the poster below. I figure it has to be an Internet Movie or someone else would know about it or something. I don’t think movies can be a secret. Also – I don’t think it is completely centered right. But it IS cool looking. Anyway. Discuss.
John Hughes left us today, at the age of 59. While he’s been very reclusive in recent years and hasn’t worked much, he will be missed. He will also be remembered for quite some time, living on through his films. Sixteen Candles and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off are two of the funniest movies to come out of the 80s. His movies launched the careers of so many actors, Molly Ringwald, John Cusack (swoon!) Steve Carrell, Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy to name just a few.
Anyone who doesn’t laugh at, “No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need FOOD!” isn’t anyone I care to be friends with. I can picture Long Duk Dong, swinging in a tree, hollering that about his “new, American-style gurlfriend.”
Rest well, Mr. Hughes and thanks for the lifetime of giggles you provided so many of us.
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