King of Pop, yes. Least sexy musician ever? Maybe.

Then you might want to click here. I haven’t watched any FOX coverage on it, but 50-50 that Glenn Beck doesn’t believe he’s actually dead.

Here’s a nice touch, by FOX:

In the video released Thursday, the 50-year-old singer appears a step slower than he was in his twenties and thirties….

I think they might be on to something here. Sucks ER is off the air, or else they could have explored this phenomena. People get slower as they age? Especially when death is knocking on the door? You don’t say.

I was going crazy the past couple of weeks and I had no idea why. Then, People Magazine set me at ease with the headline and article:   Usher: “I’m Doing Fine”.

So, folks, you can relax now. Usher’s cool. He’s not doing great, but come on now, you can’t expect to win every battle. But, thank God, People Magazine is out there to let me know a rich celebrity is doing FINE. Apparently he got a divorce, so people were, what? Worried? Really? Worried about Usher for getting a damn divorce?

The most interesting thing about this dude is that wikipedia tells me that Usher is his real name. Seriously, go read his wiki and tell me it does not peak with that first line. Put out some albums, sold the albums, won the Grammy Awards, was in some movies. Point: THIS IS NOT A DUDE WE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT.

I know Annie Lennox didn't sing Total Eclipse of the Heart. But Annie is the hottest rock chick from the 80's. Screw you, Jane Wiedlin!

I know this is gonna sound like a bunch of crap, but I used to describe videos like this (video below).  Using the lyrics of the song.  So technically, even though when I did it there wasn’t an Internet and I forgot about it by the time the Internet was invented, I think these guys owe me a debt.  In fact, I think I am gonna make a list of all my awesome ideas.  That way nobody can steal them later.  All these things are copyrighted by me.

• A talking car that fights crime and drives into a big tractor trailer for a garage. Fuck.
• The government should buy everyone in America a pedal generator that sits on the floor and you pedal while you watch TV or whack off or whatever.  The people will get paid back by all the power they generate (lower light bills) and people won’t be so fat.  Plus you can cut the taxes of people who pedal a lot.  That will be an incentive for people to be skinnier.
• A reality show where you take people who are good athletes and super geniuses and make them do really hard challenges.  The show would be called:  Better Than You.  Plus I want to see the Navy Seal and the Super Genius both shit themselves when the challenge is to make dinner for the bald guy from Top Chef.
• A car that runs on Kudzu.
• Kevin Dillon Fuck.
• Bulletproof Paint.  Why waste money making things bullet proof when you can just paint things you don’t want to get bullet holes in with my special paint?

This is a partial list.  If you have an idea, you may want to post it in the comments to make sure that it isn’t mine.  I promise I will tell you the truth.  Oh, and the video is after the jump.  And it really is funny.

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you can see Eminem there looking like his kitten just got run over

Eminem was last seen on the broadcast storming out of the venue with his entourage immediately after the incident. So where did Em go? “I went back to my hotel and laughed uncontrollably for about three hours. Especially after I saw it on air,” the rapper said.

Good God, man, that’s like a chuckle moment at best. What kind of vacancy does Eminem have in his life where this moment was something that would bring that much laughter?

Unless Eminem laughs for 10 hours straight whenever a buddy says something like, “Em, your shoe is unlaced, you almost tripped, dog,” then he seriously needs to consider finding more things that are hilarious and introduce them to his life.

The Bob Dylan Show, ohhh myyy, three for the price of one!

I have been compiling a list of performers I must see before they die for several years now.  The Eric Clapton Crossroads Guitar Festival took care of a few of the big ones for me; namely B.B. King, Buddy Guy, Willie Nelson, Robert Cray, Robert Randolph and The Family Band, Steve Winwood and, of course, Eric Clapton himself.  I still have Dylan on the list.  As crappy a performer I believe him to be, I don’t want to miss out.  Years from now, I don’t want to feel envious and left out when Dylan does die (or just disappears without a word) and everyone who ever saw him comes crawling out to say, “I saw him at such and such venue, mumbly and blahdeblah.”  I wanna be one of those douchebags!

Well, it looks like I will get my chance to cross Dylan off my list in a couple months.  I just bought tickets to The Bob Dylan Show. There is nothing so awesome as a summer concert, the smells and sounds and the energy.  Once I get my time machine working, I can go see a Jeff Buckley show, Bo Diddley, Janis Joplin, The Beatles, The Velvet Underground, Louis Armstrong and a whole pile of before-my-time acts.

I don’t often write about music here, because if I did it would be irrelevant, out of date stuff like, “i really like what gin blossoms are doing with this hey jealousy” or “I really can’t believe Toto didn’t kick more ass after Africa.” Out of my element. To say the least. However, this I don’t understand.

Eminem, who was born 2-1/2 years after the Beatles broke up, is the only artist who has sold more albums in this decade than the fabled foursome.

If you told me the Beatles sold a ton of albums because folks were shoppin’ all their CDs because their record players were just something their kids could get five bucks for at a garage sale, I’d buy it. In 1992.

But, the article also says the Beatles were #5 in the 90s, so, they have risen in 2000.

Also, this article states that Nelly sold more albums this decade than Jay-Z. What the fuck is wrong with people who buy music?