I watch Biggest Loser.  Well, I guess I should say I fast forward Biggest Loser.  Every episode is the same, so you can tell when to Fast Forward.  Goes like this:

• Skip the worst theme song in TV history.  “What have you done today blah blah…” It sucks.  –>
• Watch the weekly twist.  Two people get eliminated…  One person gets set on fire… All the contestants have to do it…
• Watch the Challenge
• Skip the infomercials and anything where the trainers are in the house.  They are just gonna talk about gum or plastic bags. –>
• Skip the last chance workout.  If I wanna see people sweat I will watch porn or try to get something out of the back shelf of my closet. –>
• Skip the inevitable “Person figures out why they gained the weight and blah blah blah”.  Not everything needs to be blamed on your parents.  Cept for me.  Screw you, dad.  –>
• Watch the weigh in (see my real question below) but skip the annoying fucking beeps.
• Don’t watch the deliberation. –>
• Don’t watch them all blubber and cry at the voting –>
• DO see how skinny the person who got kicked out got!

So now that I told you how to watch the show, help me out.  Why do they have the guys take off their shirts and the women wear those tank tops when they are the MOST FAT?  Like, in the very beginning, when the contestants are as big as they are gonna get, they are mostly naked.  But as they get smaller, they get to keep their shirts on.  Why is this?  How come they make the girl who weighs 350 pounds wear a sports bra, but after she loses 100 pounds (and weighs 250) they put a shirt on her?

I guess the only thing I an think of is ‘extra skin’?  They have the same amount of skin they had in the beginning.  And mind you, I am not petitioning for the people to have shirts or not have shirts.  I think they should do what they want.  But obviously there is some sort of orchestrated thing going on.  Because they ALL have no shirts, and then shirts.  So what gives?

Answers please.

Donna - disgruntled witch or sepia toned whistle blower? You decide!

Regular readers of the site (thanks, Uncle Dave!) will know that I have an on again, off again relationship with Ghost Hunters.  I hated it, then I liked it, then I was confused, then I was intrigued.  It’s like Ghost Hunters was a sexy girl!  But now…now I don’t know what to do.  Because Donna LaCroix, ex Ghost Hunter, is talking shit.  I would not have known except for this awesome guy who left a comment on an old post about Ghost Hunters today.  He said:

Until about three hours ago I was a dedicated TAPS fan, like most I wanted to go were the have been and hoped to make it onto Ghost Hunters Academy. However I trusted blindly. Once I started using my head and my internet I’ve found some pretty amazing stuff that has made me an antifan. Biggest is the interview of former taps member, Donna LaCroix hosted by ghost divas. Here’s the link if you care to listen http://ghostdivas.mypodcast.com/2009/11/The_Divas_and_Donna-256773.html
fyi it’s kind of long but worth it. It’s so unfortunate that the truth just isn’t good enough for ScFy. In a field where so many people want to prove that carry this fire that all paranormal investigators are fake, why would hand them the fuel for the fire? Or at least bring some water to try and put it out.

So I clicked his link and I listened to the story and I found out some things:

• Explaining that you “tell it like it is” is actually code for: “I can’t express myself without being rude.”
• I need to interview more people for the site, so if anyone wants to be interviewed, let me know.
• Seems like the TAPS guys and the people who make their show are dicks.
• Seems like the show MAKES UP GHOST SHIT AND PRETENDS IT IS REAL!!!!!

I don’t know why this surprises me.  I mean, the second word in the name of the fucking network is “fiction.”  But even so.  If those fucking douches are making up evidence, then I am gonna cock punch them both.  Then they can check for EVP’s up their own asses.  From…the tape recorder I put in there with my fighting.

Hayden Panettiere, realizing she needs the work, helps out by looking for a new story line.

Just got done watching Heroes and realized that I needed to bitch about it.  So here I go.  In bullet point form.

• Why don’t they understand that people with powers fighting each other is better than people with powers whining and talking to each other?
• If the carnival dude’s power is that he can make earthquakes, how can he just show up across the country?
• I know I say this every time I talk about this show but: if you had super powers, why would you want to NOT have them.  Unless your power was that you crap yourself when someone looks at you.
• Can the Haitian pick and choose whose powers he cancels out?  Like, if he went to the carnival, could he disable the fast knife dude but leave the pants crapping guy alone?
• Will someone please kick Peter Petrelli’s ass so hard that he realizes he needs to find Sylar and get all his powers or something?
• Why the Hell did they spend last season digging up skeletons in the desert but now the mother is nowhere to be found?
• What happened to the old lady’s sister?
• If Peter can heal people, why doesn’t he make the deaf doctor lady not fucking deaf?

Does anyone even watch this show anymore?  If you do – PLEASE comment.  I need to talk to someone about this, and my stuffed animals play Uno on Monday’s now.  Jerks.

Lookit these adorable boys! Their infectious grins! The bald heads! I lover them.

The Amazing Race is, hands down, the best reality TV show ever.  Not that it has much competition, seeing as I hate all other reality shows. But whatever.  My point is, I love TAR and this season is so much fun that I had to write about it in case someone, anyone, out there is watching too.

I renamed the Harlem Globetrotters* “Big Time” because I find “Flight Time” and “Big Easy” too troublesome to say.  And I feel quite sure that any time spent with those two is a big old time.  I love them so terribly much; they are so happy and relaxed and confident and flat out funny.  Last week, when they did the dancing, I couldn’t stop laughing.  And I was so rooting for them tonight to catch up and to kick some serious ass with the hay bales.  Big Easy stayed calm and jokey all through the hay bales and hauled the birthday boy in for a first place finish.  I really really want them to win.

*I feel like I remember seeing the Harlem Globetrotters when I was a kid but it is all foggy and I’m not sure and it could be I saw them on TV and also went to my brother’s high school basketball game and merged the two memories.  Who knows?

I’m kinda sorta sick but not really and there’s not shit on TV so I’m in the tub listening to 30 Rock reruns from Season 3 and I’ve decided it is the day of the run on sentence and you will like it once I get around to talking about Jane Krakowski and how I sort of ignore her contributions to 30 Rock because blondes just don’t do much for me.  That said, she plays the role very well.  She was pretty much awesome on Ally McBeal too.  I don’t actually know that because I don’t remember that show well except that Fish and the Biscuit cracked me up and I wanted to hit Ally with a skillet most of the time but I know I liked the show and I don’t remember hating Karakowski on it but oh yeah, I wanted Portia de Rossi to be on screen every second and Lucy Liu too.  Jenna Maroney is a bit too old to be 100% believable but, other than that, Jane Krakowski plays her to perfection.  So there you have it.   Oh.  And I laugh out loud every time Tracy Jordan talks to or about Dr. Spaceman.  Thank you for existing, Tina Fey and Netflix.  My not-sick-but-I-have-a-temperature-and-body-aches night is much more pleasant because of you.  Oh and anyone reading this crazy ramble, I’m sorry you chose to pop by during run-on sentence night.  Click below to see a pile of Jane Krakowski pictures for your reward.

Jane Krakowski

I love this pic because it looks like there is a big saw about to chop her up but it is really the curtains scaring the shit out of her.

Yup, I said it.  30 Rock is the best thing on network TV.  Keep your Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers & Sisters pathos; I want Tina Fey’s brand of super warped humor.  She brings out the best of every character on the show and the actors always deliver and the situations are out of control bizarre and I laugh my ass off every minute.  Alec Baldwin could not be any more perfect.  And it is alllll thanks to one Miss Tina Fey.  She’s got that brainy librarian sexy going on and she’s so wry and self-deprecating, who wouldn’t want to do her?  I can hear Tracy Jordan’s voice right now (in my head not on TV you weirdo) all shouty and lispy, “I LOVE YOU, LIZ LEMON!”

Liz Lemon Tina Fey