Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category
The Dog Died First
On April 2, 2011 I wondered out loud during Podcaturday what would happen if a werewolf bit a whale. Beans and Melzer told me to write it so I did. Now I need you to buy it as I assume it will make me rich. This is legit, too. It’s a whole story. Check out the description of Whalewolf:
What happens when a werewolf decides it wants seafood? Find out how a detective from a small town in South Florida learns how big wolves can get. He also finds out that his girlfriend might be into some weird stuff but that’s not the main point of the story. Focus on the werewolf and the whale! This story is guaranteed to contain no less than one whale and one werewolf or your money back.
That’s a pretty sweet deal right there. It’s only $.99 so if you don’t buy it it means you’re poor. So ha ha….poor person. Remember, that’s Whalewolf – only ninety nine cents!
This week I don’t have a ton of time to be yapping about Podcaturday cause I decided during the broadcast that I was going to write a story and I have actually been doing it so I can’t be messing around. I’m almost done and I’m gonna sell that shit and be rich. But if you want to know what we talked about, here’s a list.
- Wrestling (not each other, Wrestlemania)
- The Top Chef Finale
- Coffin Nail Neil thinking I want to ram him.
- Who’s better, Superman or Batman?
- My new story that I am SELLING!
- Dr. Nob’s Weekly call in and helpful tips on how I should beg for money.
So listen up. And get your wallets out cause my story drops tomorrow!
Acadia has been a huge help (weird, I know,) in pushing promotion for my brand new dark fantasy eBook, The Goblin Market, which became available for purchase last week on Amazon and Smashwords for just $2.99.
We were butting heads like a couple of crazy rams in the middle of a field yesterday, when Acadia said, “Beans, you should do one of your giveaways on The Gallery this week.”
Clever, Acadia. Because we share completely different reader-bases, and when you put a novel out you want to reach as large an audience as possible. A lot of my readers over at The Inner Bean already know I’m writing and putting out novels, but maybe the faithful and dedicated readers here at The Gallery didn’t know that.
I’m giving away 5 eBook copies of The Goblin Market every day this week, as you may have guessed from the title of this post. Even if you didn’t guess, now you know. Winning one is relatively easy. On Monday I gave copies away to the first five people to comment on my site about their favorite fairy tales. Tuesday I gave away five more to commenters sharing their thoughts on what makes a good villain. Today, winning one is going to be a tad bit harder…
Every Saturday, Acadia, Melz and I hook up for Podcaturday. You know, the weekly round table discussion with three people who know everything about nothing… We have a hot line you can call into, and we play your voice mails on the show each week. If you want to win one of today’s 5 eBook copies, all you have to do is call the Podcaturday hot line at 206-888-1710 and leave message tell us what your favorite fantasy movie is. That’s it! Easy peasy, right? We will announce the winners on Saturday’s episode of Podcaturday and play your voice mails live on the show as we lead into talking about our own favorite fantasy movies.
So say you don’t want to wait until Saturday morning to find out if you won a copy of The Goblin Market? You can pick one up on Amazon or Smashwords for $2.99… less than a Tall Caramel Machiatto at Starbucks and you’re helping an indy author grow her fanbase and readership.
Here are the highlights.
- I’m done with Allison Kyler. She has made a moderately powerful enemy.
- I’m also done with the designer who started working with me and then quit without a word.
- I need a new non-celebrity and designer.
- Beans is running a contest – you can hear me buy her book ON THE AIR! And you might win an actual hard copy of the book if you buy the e-version now.
- Melzer let me know that Canada really sucks and they banned Money for Nothing from the radio cause of the “faggot” lines. I can’t find a copy of the video with the original lyrics and now I’m not sure if there ever was one? Like – would MTV have played it with the line in it?
- Wipeout is awesome and I don’t understand how people don’t die. I’m including video. Watch it and then tell me how they don’t die.
This week’s episode is one of my favorites in a while. Here’s the run down:
- Melzer has never flown on a plane.
- Jenny Beans has taken over Pittsburgh in the new Hometown Pride feature we have cooking here. Get involved!
- We all met a nympho (NSFW)
- I thought to myself that I want more followers on Twitter
- Go like us on Facebook. Im sick of not having 200.
- If you have a Tumblr – put the link in the comments so I can follow you. I use mine to publish the horrible racist crap that I get sent to me in my emails by “patriots” who want to “take their country back” I guess from the non-whiteys.
- Melzer is gonna write a book called: “Ass Zombie”
- We got a new Dirty Word
- Adorable Kate thinks I’m awesome!
- I need someone to help my iTunes thing – it doesn’t work right.
That’s pretty much it I think – I drink a lot of lighter fluid so I don’t always know.
