Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category
Ace reporter Acadia on the job again. Lucky Sherman has more famousness to report on so after the jump check out the new interview. And yeah, it was before the Super Bowl – so I’m sad 
It’s Tuesday again already? Ugh….ok, ok. *Grabbing first thing I come across*
Here is a video featuring a bunch of movie clips where people are flipping somebody off, set lovingly to that one song. You know the one. That one dude sings it. Yeah, see? I knew you knew what I was talking about.
Who cares if it is only going to be a dumb commercial? Maybe someone will think about doing a sequel anyway. It’s not like ANYONE who was in that movie is doing anything. Some of them probably don’t even know about the YouTube thing because they don’t have Internet. Poor schlubs. And it would write itself. In fact, I might write it right now. See you in a couple of hours. How many pages is a movie?
If I had a choice between watching Meryl Streep play Margaret Thatcher or Thomas Jefferson or some other boring thing and watching Milla Jovovich take a big bite of macaroni and cheese and then open her mouth, I would take Milla every time. That’s probably not a fair fight. I would get hit in the gut with a cannonball than watch Meryl Streep again. Gah. I get it. She’s a good actor. Well if she is so great, why doesn’t she change her name? If she was in a movie as “Bloot Latoot” and nobody said: OMG it’s Meryl Streep then THAT would be good acting. As it is, I always recognize her, so she’s not that good.
On the other hand, I always recognize Milla Jovovich and it IS good. See, she is just Milla on screen with a different name. She doesn’t need to use an accent. She just needs some guns. I guess technically she doesn’t even need a script. She can just talk in her cute voice and walk around with her cute little face and shoot some things and get chased by a mutant and then kick someone.
That’s not acting. That’s just WHAT SHE DOES. You think Meryl Streep is a good actress? Have her be in a Resident Evil movie. Let her “act” like a touch chick and shoot some guns and run from a zombie. If she does that and makes me think she is Michelle Rodriguez and Milla gets to kill her at the end then fine. Otherwise, GTFO.
Oh and there is a trailer for the new Milla movie. The beginning is not a commercial. it is part of it. Watch it. Love her. Wait, no. Just like her as a friend
or I will kill you.
If you saw Iron Man 2, you know that the future of Iron Man movies is on shaky ground. While I wouldn’t say 2 was bad, I would say that it was pretty forgettable. It would seem that the producers of the Iron Man movies are aware of the step backward they took on part 2, and are preparing themselves for the diminishing returns of part 3 by cutting production costs any way they can. The picture I found of the Iron Man suit for part 3 only serves to confirm this. Check it out after the jump.
The Blind Side.
… Michel Oher tears his achilles tendon and can no longer play college football. He gets a girl pregnant, drops out of school to support his new family selling crack in his old neighborhood. He is gunned down by his own biological mother, after ordering a quesadilla, while in the drive thru at Taco Bell.
Inception.
… on the plane, Saito’s phone call does not work. They arrest Jack when he goes through customs and throw him in jail. He is gang raped and then stabbed in a prison knife fight. After slowly dying, he suddenly wakes up to see his wife’s face above him. He begins to cry, hugging and kissing her. But she is angry that he did not believe they were asleep and while he slumbered still, she filed for divorce. He loses the house, all his money, custody of his children and his beloved dog in the proceeding court battle. He dies a lonely man, filled with regret.
Batman.
… Batman dies. The End.
V for Vendetta.
… everyone gathers to watch Parliament explode but nothing happens. The crowd starts to get anxious and small fights begin breaking out. Before long, there is a full-scale riot. The police and armed forces lock everything and everyone down. Broadcasts go out shaming the nation and everyone goes back to believing the lies of government because its easier. Censorship runs rampant. The populace enjoys cheeseburgers while watching G Rated sitcoms and religious telecasts. Rick Perry is made the new High Chancellor.
The Shawshank Redemption.
… Andy makes it through the tunnel but gets horribly sick on account of all the feces he had to crawl through. He passes out in the bank while withdrawing money. An ambulance is called. In the hospital he is recognized by nurses and turned back in to the prison system. An additional 99 years are tacked on to his sentence. Red gets out, is hopeless and eventually hangs himself like Brooks. The new warden exploits everyone by signing a telemarketing contract with At&T.
Se7en.
… Detective David Mills looks into the box and there are cupcakes. They take Joe Doe back to the police station, while he spins a wild story about a drug deal that didn’t go down, a ton of money unaccounted for, and fearing for his like because some Hungarians are looking to post his bail. At the trial, the Detective is accused of being a racist, the defense has Joe Doe try on some gloves (the whole case against him is riding on them being at one of the crime scenes) while he on the witness stand – they don’t fit. The jury acquits him. Years later he goes to jail any way, for stealing some boxes from the back of a 7-11. He claims he was just going to build a clubhouse because it was his day off.