It has recently come to my attention that I have led a very interesting life.

Okay, that’s a bloody lie, but I have eaten a lot of weird things. So it should stand that I have also thrown up some very weird things. Now I’m not a Jackass reject or anything but I have experienced more than my share of expelling various ingredients. Coming from a rich history of spectacular drinking, I would not vomit so much when drunk but more so when hungover and typically with a limited variety of stomach contents. Here’s a brief list of things you may want to consider, and stuff you don’t wanna even think about, throwing up.

I recommend puking only:

• Grape Gatorade. More refreshing than puking other flavors.
• Lemon Lime soda
• Water, provided you’re NOT hungover.
• Lime Jello, I’ve never actually done this but it seems like it would be nice.

I do NOT recommend puking only:

• Homemade pork fried rice with bacon bits
• 10 Slices of Pizza
• Carton of button mushrooms
• Honey

Early reports are sketchy at best but apparently there’s a new use for the Nintendo Wii gaming console. There is alleged to be a male and female version of the Wii-brator that allow “players” from other sides of the country to, theoretically, control the opposite remote.

I’d be totally in to this if I could do it without permission from the person on the receiving end. Because, well…that’d be funny. Honestly, I see this as just one more way to avoid actual contact with another human. Gamers: revolutionizing cyber sex once more.

To play, click the link below, then click the blue circle to start.

The following rules apply:

* Only 2 persons on the raft at a time.
* The father cannot stay with any of the daughters, without their mother’s presence.
* The mother cannot stay with any of the sons, without their father’s presence.
* The thief (striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member, if the Policeman is not there.
* Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft.

To move the people, click on them. To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river. The solution is possible!

Japanese IQ Test

Are there really so many people with so much annoying extra money lying around that web pages like this are necessary? Seriously, if this is the case, I will start offering to mail people the lint from my local laundromat, the toe jam I clean out weekly and the used ketchup packets from my fast food forays. I WILL BE RICH!!!! And, you know, providing a helpful public service, relieving these dumbfucks of their irritating cash. I’m such a giver!

Go get yourself some Coney Island sand!!!

The road was lined with old cars, broken down heaps placed there to form a kind of fence. Dust lined everything as clouds of it were sent wafting across the yard from the road, as the occasional truck passed by. This was rare, however, as this yard was farther off the road than the rest. The morning sun had broken into its midday rant, bearing mercilessly down on all living things.

Inside the trailer-cum-office sat a gangly kid with his feet up on an old office desk. The ends had frayed where he cut the sleeves off his coveralls. His face and hair were greasy. Scattered papers with grimy finger smudges and an ashtray made from an old scarred piston covered the desk. There was a strong smell of grease and stale smoke. A large chrome grille from an Oldsmobile hung on the wall behind him.

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Editor’s Note - Krylonoclast writes me letters all the time - but I send them to the F.B.I. without opening them.

Letter to Hawaiian Punch

Dear Hawaiian Punch,
Thank You! And thank God, and thank my local grocer started carrying Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian Punch Light! Oh how I’ve waited for you guys to perfect a sugar-free version of the drink that I refer to as “The Nectar of The Gods.” It is quite delicious with barely a hint of aftertaste. Why I’d almost suggest it is better than the original. You see, I’ve had to switch to a sugar-free lifestyle about 5 years ago, which caused me great duress, as I could no longer partake of some of my favorite beverages and even fresh fruit itself. I giggled like a little girl when we happened upon an end cap stocked brightly with Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian Punch at my local market. I have been the number one Hawaiian Punch fan in Albuquerque since I was a young pup and Fruit Juicy Red concentrate came in big glass bottles.

God Bless Morgan Spurlock! I love you, Hawaiian Punch!

Keep in touch,
Krylo

ps: Thumbs up to Rudy’s BBQ on Carlisle here in Albuquerque for the best Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian Punch fountain in the entire city. Kudos to the service tech who adjusted that one!

Reply from Hawaiian Punch

Thank you for contacting us about Hawaiian Punch Fruit Juicy Red.

We enjoy hearing from you and are especially pleased to learn of your
satisfaction. We will pass on your compliments to both our marketing
department and our research and development department so they can be
made aware of the great job they are doing!

Sincerely,

Consumer Relations

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