You ever know someone who makes every party they are at more fun? They know lots of interesting things to keep the conversation flowing. They make everyone laugh. Then they get too drunk and turn a little mean, but in a sexy way? That's this website.
Picked up Sports Illustrated today and for one of the rare times, laughed out loud at the cover. Kansas City Royals pitcher Zack Greinke is on the cover. Which, is fine. Having read a bit about the dude’s story, it should absolutely be told and hopefully will help others. But, in big and bold capital lettering, the cover also states:
THE BEST PITCHER IN BASEBALL
Uh, hell no.
No offense to Zack Greinke who has been awesome. He is just not the best pitcher in baseball right now. That would be, Tim Lincecum. Feel free to debate that, but can’t imagine you being right. Come on, Lincecum is sick. Make your arguments for Johan Santana, Roy Halladay, probably not CC but go ahead Yankees fans. Zack Greinke is in that category right below where Chad Billingsley and Dan Haren are.
Which is not a bad place to be. It’s just not best pitcher in baseball. He needs to show more than five really good starts in a season.
The picture is not the important thing. Please remember that. So you are going mudding or whatever and you have your girlfriend in the car and then you get stuck. So there is your girlfriend in her jean skirt and her t-shirt and giant belt sitting in the car. What do you do?
A: Tell her to stay in the car until you find someone to help.
B: Help her climb out onto the hood so that she could jump onto the still muddy but less goopy road?
C: Get out, walk around the car, have her get out and take her picture?
If you guessed C, then you are awesome. I wish I had the next picture where she flips him off. And then the next 10 pictures where she just keeps sinking. I think the last few pictures in the series are what the police call: evidence.
Since I watch the news for at least 15 minutes every morning while I drink coffee before I go to work and also sometimes read other pages on the Internet, I have become aware of the apocalypse that is the Swine Flu. I also found out that Anna Kooiman has a funny name but is kind of hot and makes the news seem less dreary. But the point of this is the Swine Flu.
See – everyone is in a big panic and I blame the people that don’t have Swine Flu for it. Healthy people using the Internet is fucking everything up. Here’s how!
Stupid website posts (like this one) who talk about swine flu hoping to get search engine hits so they can sell face masks and immunity helmets through Adsense. Though it must be noted that I don’t believe in helmets of any kind, I bet if you look at my ad sense you will see some kind of ad about a face mask or some shit.
Idiots on Twitter. Actually, idiots on Twitter may be responsible for all sorts of bad shit, but my research on this is incomplete.
Google Maps – helpful doofuses making maps of the USA with big circles on them where there are outbreaks and whatnot. Do they look like the big screen from War Games? Yes. But other than that, it is not helpful. What is someone gonna do, move?
People who blame Mexico. Though I do realize that if people think of Mexico they usually think of Cancun or a guy in a sombrero sleeping under a cactus. Mexico sucks at marketing.
OK – so what have we learned? Well, that if you are reading this, the odds of you getting Swine Flu are pretty fucking low. Unless you are a really smart baby reading this, in which case, don’t say swear words like I did, and stay inside! And if you are really old, then you are pretty cool for reading this, and I am sure that will protect you. And if you are neither a baby nor an old person, then stop getting your news from anywhere on the Internet except this site. Unless you live in Charlotte. Then you can get some of your news from Anna Kooiman.
So everything else this guy does sucks, but this is really fun.
Someone hire this kid to play at my wedding. I want to have indie electronica covered on piano at the reception. Do it! Now!
I love vampires, but Buffy/Angel haven’t been on tv for a long time (and I can’t justify four bucks a comic), Twilight is terrible, and Anne Rice is writing about Jesus instead of gay vampires, so I found True Blood. Here is a preview for season 2:
Knowing that this was in my folder sort of made me happy. Still don’t know why I have it – but I like it. Look how happy that dude is. He knows that later he is gonna get some ropes and a helmet and go lady-climbing. And she will be all majestic and…giant and let him make his expedition.
True love is always precious. And when true love is combined with comedic disproportionate body sizes, the joy is exponential. So you have fun, giant woman and little man. And you can feel good knowing that your picture is no longer on my hard drive. Of course, it is on the Internet, but that’s not my fault. Where do you think I got it? Oh? I took it? Well, whatever. You have your copy now. Hope all is well.
Term and Condition
These celebrity pictures are assumed to be on the level, so if you are a celebrity and want us to take them down, contact us. Or better yet, come by the office and explain why. We have cookies!
