Archive for November, 2009
Don't ignore the side effects!
Please share this with all the women you care about. It could save a life. As winter approaches, here is an important Women’s Health Issue Notice
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.
Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.
Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- An overwhelming desire to sing Karaoke
WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
You might remember the Discovery Channel Ad from last year where they took people from their shows and made a sweet commercial. It highlighted the channel and what it was about and also highlighted the shows themselves. Well apparently they thought so too cause they made another one. And since there have been about 18 months between the two of them, they must be really hard to make.
The new one is after the jump. Can’t find the original article, but the sentiment still stands. Think about little kids in school and how the world really IS awesome. And don’t screw it up for them. Keep the world awesome as long as you can.
These are from last summer, a spread for V Magazine. I only subscribe to Rolling Stone so I know nothing of this publication. I looked it up and learned, “V is a magazine about fashion with a capital F.” Maybe I’m a bigger moron than originally thought but why not name it F?
Anyway, when I saw these pictures, I thought it was Gwen Stefani at first. Or maybe old Madonna. Old as in “long ago” not old as in now. What I did not think of was Cameron Diaz. This is all very confusing. I did like her with Justin Timberlake and in Something About Mary. And…that’s all I’ve got. Let me know if you think this looks like pimply-faced Cam or if I need some serious specs.
Cameron Diaz
Cameron Diaz Tongue
Cameron Diaz Feet
Gwen Stefani Tongue
Let's taunt Charles!
It has long been the custom in our family to have the wishbone pulled by the youngest and the oldest present. This year it was Grandma and Charles, who is going on eight. Charles won, and, with a far-away look in his eyes, fell into a period of silence. One of his aunts prodded him, and asked what he’d wished for. Others pressed the question persistently, and perhaps unfairly. Charles brooded for a moment and then told them. “I wished,” he said, “that I could see a nekkid woman.”
A woman who got it into her head that a fresh turkey produced a far superior meal to a frozen one made a trek out to a turkey farm to buy a live bird. But after returning home and looking square into the eyes of the living, breathing creature she’d just purchased, she just couldn’t bring herself to kill it by wringing its neck or chopping off its head. Instead, she managed to put the turkey to sleep with chloroform and then began the process of dry-plucking it. Just as she finished removing the last of the feathers, however, the bird woke up. The next-door neighbors responded to her shouts and arrived at her back door to find a woman being chased around her kitchen by an angry, naked turkey.
Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional holiday feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn’t mind going out to get it. When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, then replaced the stuffing. She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, ‘Barbara, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!’ My sister started to cry hysterically. It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! Yes, my sister is a BLONDE.
A young woman is preparing her first thanksgiving dinner. As she gets everything ready for Thanksgiving day, she very sternly reminds herself to let the turkey finish thawing in the sink overnight. She puts it in and places the dishrack over the top of the bird. Her husband walks into the kitchen and sees this. “Why are you doing that?” he asks.
“My mom always did that to help the turkey thaw,” she told him.
The next day Mom calls to see how everything is going. “Fine, Ma. I have everything ready to go in the oven. I even remembered to put the rack over the turkey last night.” This seemed to confuse her mother a bit. “What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Oh, I remember you always put the dish rack over the turkey when it was thawing in the sink,” she said.
There was a pause on the end of the line. “Yes, but honey, we had cats!”