When we last met up…
Surprises! Older cast members with experience! Hard to spell tribe names! Someone’s a (not so) secret agent! Russell sides with the young ones – Rob is Jesus! Kristina is Pontus Pilot! Philip is not smart! Francesca leaves! And a Tiger!
Francesca is alone in the dark, probably contemplating what the hell just happened. She was an attorney, from California and just because she needed a change, or a desire for fame, or some money (haw) she now finds herself living on an island, praying to God for a flint. Redemption Island may be the best thing for Francesca’s game (according to her), but it looks semi troublesome.
Meanwhile back at Omepete, Rob Boston said that last week’s example of human nature was the craziest tribal council ever. As Philip pours his heart out to Rob Boston, can I ask you long time viewers a question? Did Rob get into a car accident, or have a stroke or brain trauma? Because he speaks with a cadence that suggests that he was involved in a serious accident and has now regained around 90% of his faculties through rehab. That, or he’s super super hammered. Anyways, the PLAN (because every plan on a reality TV show works seamlessly) is to dump Philip. NOT PHILIP!!!
We return from ads to find Philip hunting crabs. In a primal state. With a spear. Small crabs. Big spear. He’s a FEDERAL AGENT. Everyone laughs, but Philip is teflon. Except when he chokes up over wearing the uniform. His wearing of said uniform made him known as trustworthy, and when Francesca and Kristina ruined that, it ruined him. But he is still Philip Shepard, agent, and that is ok with him.
Back at Zapatera, Russell sides up to Stephanie, while mocking the hayseed who does the rooster call to wake everyone up. As a first time viewer, I note that the editing is SOLID on this show. Within this whole montage, they’ve made Russell look evil, pervy and almost satanic in his luring of the young girls into his devilish mind trap. Oh he may win, but what about Stephanie and Kristin’s souls! WHAT OF THEM! As Russell searches and hunts for the idol, wouldn’t you know it that Red State representative Ralph almost trips on it while finding rocks! You can never ever underestimate a hayseed when it comes to finding things; Ralph has probably spent hours upon days upon weeks upon years just wandering around forests, fields, farms, etc.
Matt and Andrea are getting closer. As Rob Boston steps upon this, he is leery and in his talking head he mentions dogs and wandering around with dogs and being led by dogs. I don’t know Rob is not great with metaphors. Rob realizes that much like Russell and Matt, Rob needs a hot young girl to team up with, and Natalie is that 105 lb. partner! That girl may need to go home early, as I am aware that you lose weight on these and Natalie cannot stand to lose more than another 5 lbs..
Today’s immunity challenge is another corporate teamwork exercise + gym class time waster! The reward is immunity and fishing gear! You know the drill, you get voted out, you have to fight Francesca, who by now may have been driven mad and eating live tigers. There isn’t a need to really do play by play on these, so here are a few random bullet points:
- This small pool to swim across did not take into consideration of Grant almost diving across the whole thing.
- Philip is even awkward at cheerleading
- I wonder if it’s booked to always have Rob and Russell go up against each other? They did here, with the editing made to appear that while every battle is meaningful, only the Rob/Russell battle is meaningful.
- When it comes down to this weird skeeball/smashing part, you always go with the hayseed, as Ralph is like a deadeye sharpshooter. What, you think he ain’t done skipped a rock across the crik?
Zapatera wins again and Rob won’t go and hug anyone to congratulate. Omepete is pissed over this, but realistically what’s the deal? They want to get rid of Philip, they don’t like him, now their loss in the swimming/smashing/skeeball challenge allows them to dump his ass over to the island.
Anyways, on the way back to camp, Ralph notices what the others do not: Russell secretly pocketed a clue out of the newly won fishing basket. It’s Ralph’s game dammit! He tells the others, which certainly means trouble for Russell’s Satanic Young Girl Team (RSYGT? Eh, don’t worry, I will have better names in time).
Where Ralph comes from (or where at least where I imagine) he is a big fan of just clearing the air straight away, which is why he calls out Russell on finding something. WE HAVE A STAND OFF, as Ralph wants Russell to know that he knows, while Russell wants Ralph to know that he is RUSSELL HANTZ dammit! He knows how to play the game!
Back on the Redemption Island, Francesca built a tent, writes in a journal. Seems like CBS didn’t think through how boring it could be to have someone just sit there.
Back at Omepete, Philip calls a meeting and says that everyone performed gallantry, (I rewound a few times, this is the proper phonetic spelling) and he apologizes about dropping the ball. No one cares. In a more personal meeting with Kristina and Philip, he is confident and likes the idea of redemption, while Kristina has to now play the idol.
The hand shaking by Matt is frowned upon by all, mostly by Rob Boston, who is the unofficial leader of the pack. He is not down with Christian handshaking, is not down with people playing Survivor by the book and is not down with people playing Survivor by the book when they do that against him.
Omepete has a plan. Splitting the vote by 3, with the girls voting by Kristine, the guys voting for Philip. BUT WAIT, what really will happen (according to Rob), is him, Ashley and Grant and Natalie are all voting for Matt. As Rob and Philip take a walk, everyone is just so impressed by Rob. He’s a god amongst men, a terrific leader, great with people, all things that would be great when applying for real jobs instead of going on every reality show in existence (oh! Rob for Big Brother!) Anyways, Rob will put his hand on the shoulder of the person he wants Philip to vote for. He is holding Philip’s hand through this, and if Philip follows this, he is saved. If he doesn’t (and realistically thoughts will most likely enter Philip’s head and we will get an “as a former agent…” speech), he is screwed.
Voting Time! Time for Probst to earn his money! Our man Probst starts by asking the kids about what happened last time. Philip has tattoos of gorilla’s and lions and he explains how they represent his love of lions and countries and OMG it is so unfair that CBS.com did not put that speech up.
As Probst is prattling on, we notice that Rob has put his hand on Kristina’s shoulder. MESSAGE RECEIVED, as Philip votes accordingly. Kristina decides to play the immunity idol, thereby taking her out of the voting. Matt gets the votes, Rob shows how gangster he is and the tribe has spoken. See you next week!