Posts Tagged ‘death’

Jane's costume was terrible. The gallery never hired her again.

The gallery below purportedly shows pictures of people who have been attacked by animals.  Not with guns or knives or hand grenades, but with claws and teeth and hurtful words.  Oh, and in some instances Photoshop.  I wish there were more really good pictures of people getting attacked by less orthodox animals like marlins and bugs.  Or frogs.  I wish frogs would grow really big and eat people.  That would be sweet revenge for all the things that people have done to frogs for centuries.  Eating frogs legs.  Throwing away the rest of the frogs after cutting off the legs.  Frogs have four legs.  Nobody eats the front ones.  Also all the dissecting.  Fuckin’ frogs.  Persecuted.

Grow big, my amphibian acquaintances.  Grow big and rebel.

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In news like, way too long in coming (over 200 years!), Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is now announced to have died from a shotgun blast to the heart. Medically known as strep throat. I’m not a doctor, officially, so I might be a bit off on that.

Was the wunderkind composer poisoned by a jealous rival? Did he have an intestinal parasite from an undercooked pork chop? Could he have accidentally poisoned himself with mercury used to treat a bout of syphilis?

A report in Tuesday’s Annals of Internal Medicine suggests the exalted Austrian composer might have succumbed to something far more commonplace: a streptococcal infection — possibly strep throat — that led to kidney failure.

Man, glad it wasn’t the pork chop thing. That would be a shitty way to go. That poisoning himself after syphilis would have been a good time, though.

You can go toward the light, but you may also want to consider the science behind bug zappers...

I got an email forward with some cool (or at least semi-cool) gravestones (they are after the jump).  But rather than just post them, I have decided to preach to you about the business of death.  I used to dig graves (for real) and spent time hanging out with undertakers.  See, while the funeral is going on, all the people involved in the business of managing your grief have to hide.  They usually sit in trucks far enough away form the service to not be noticed but close enough to be able to move in when the service ends.  Here are some facts about the process that you can do what you want with.  I know not all cemeteries work the same way, and I know that laws vary from state to state, but overall, keep in mind that undertakers want to prey on your grief in order to make money.  Don’t hate on them, just be prepared for it.

• Make your burial wishes known ahead of time.  If you have kids, then make sure you have everything paid for in advance and that your family members (who are all fucked up because you died) are not bumbling around trying to figure out what you wanted, etc.
• Don’t want stupid ass things.  Remember, you are dead.  Everything to do with the funeral is about the living, who will presumably miss you, so if you are gonna choose songs and plan things to that level, don’t ask for ballet dancers and the moon guy from the old McDonald’s commercials.
• Be clear about what’s gonna happen with your actual burial.  This is where the screw jobs come in.  After the jump, the things you most need to know!

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Well, the fact that celebrities continue to not defy death means that our official Death Pool – Hollypocalypse, is now in full effect.  Here are the rules.

• If you pick a PERSON and they die you get FIVE points.
• If you pick the CAUSE of death and someone famous dies of it, you get THREE points.
• If you pick a PLACE of death and someone famous dies there you get TWO points. (extra TWO points if you guess the room)
• If you get more than one thing right in one death, the points are DOUBLE!

Some clarifications:

1. Everything resets from the old thread (sorry Joelle)
2. You can make multiple guesses, but you cannot use something someone else already use and didn’t win for yet.
3. Cause of death needs to be specific (type of cancer, type of disease).  Natural Causes counts, though, as does “Mauled by Flavor Flav”.
4. Place of death needs to be building or like, sidewalk, park, canyon, etc.  If you say ‘at home’ you win but you don’t get the extra points unless you say like, kitchen.
5. When a cause or place of death is used, someone else can grab it.

All new guesses go in the comments now – and GO!