Posts Tagged ‘Eva Mendes’

Johnny Depp was awarded Sexiest Man Alive for the second time by People magazine.  If I were in charge, he would have been named that every year for the last…twenty?  And for the next twenty, natch.  I predict he,  Robert Downey, Jr. and Leonardo DiCaprio will be remembered as this generation’s greatest actors.  Of that group of impressive thespians (they really do become the character!), only dear darling Johnny is beautiful, strong, delicate, weird and brilliant.  Not many guys can wear eyeliner and facial hair* and still come off manly as hell.  His conversational range, his grasp of topics and his insight and comprehension leave me breathless.  He hangs out with people who can keep up with him (Hunter S. Thompson for one shining example) and doesn’t give the rest of the Hollywood crap a second thought.  His priorities are so solidly in the proper place.

Gaze upon the many faces of Senor Depp

One of the funniest things I ever saw on Letterman was Depp explaining what it is like to spend time with his then-two-year-old.  Basically, he said it was like hanging out with a tiny little drunk.  Toddlers fall down randomly, laugh and cry for no reason, wet themselves and blurt out bizarre shit.

I’m not much of a movie lover but I see everything this man does.   Once Upon a Time in Mexico was pretty underrated.   The eye gouging thing still fucking haunts me, at the end when Eva Mendes kisses him and he tricks her with a fake arm and shoots her while the blood is dripping down his face behind his sunglasses.  I think this may be the only Antonio Banderas movie I’ve ever seen.  But that twirling to avoid the bullet and shooting the dude’s kneecaps from behind his back is really very awesome.  Ruben Blades is pretty hot, too, come to think of it.  Oh fuck it, just watch the last eight minutes or so for yourself.

Sometimes, youtube is incredible.  There’s another vid after the jump for the true fans.  I mean…whoa.

*I realize facial hair is, by definition, manly.  I don’t care for it in general and the sentence just worked and I’m sick and oh deal with it!

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I have worked with Woody Allen. And I have big jugs. No wonder I'm famous!

I was gonna wait until I finished watching the movie to write the review, but then I realized that however the story comes out, my opinion is not going to change.  And since I do my reviews in bullet list format, all I have to do is leave this open and keep making bullet points!

By the way – I rented this from the Big Red Box at *Harris Teeter.  If you have one of those Big Red Boxes in your supermarket – get your DVD’s from there.  It rules.  Anyway – on to the show!

• It looks neat.  Like how some of it is black and white and some of it is color.  Like Sin City but not as much.
• They introduce all the main characters in like, the first 5 minutes, which I liked.  I hate waiting for the villain to show up.
• The villain is Samuel L. Jackson who is filming movies more days a year than he isn’t.
• His name is the Octopus, which is stupid.
• I don’t know who plays The Spirit, but I doubt he will be very famous for very long.
• Eva Mendes is in it and I haven’t been paying attention so I don’t know if she is bad or good or in between but she does show her ass so bonus!
• Scarlett Johansson lets her tits do the talking for most of the movie.  And that’s actually good, because the things they give her to say are pretty stupid.
• At least two main characters dress up like Nazi’s.
• The fat guys are funny.
• There is a cat in the movie.
• The Nazi’s sure were good at stagecraft. <–this is not out of context.


I could get more money put in my coin slot down there than my movie made! LOL

• Belly Dancers don’t make scary killers.
• The movie definitely does not take itself very seriously.
• HA!  The Belly Dancer’s name is Plaster of Paris.

OK – now I am getting bored.  I am not invested in anything except Scarjo’s villain boobs.  They need to do something fast!

• The Spirit is a horndog?
• There is an annoying lady cop.
• It has an old timey plane in it.  Like, not just a prop plane, but an old timey kind.
• I assume they are looking to have it open for a sequel, but I don’t see that happening.  I heard it did shitty.  Then again, they make sequels of shitty movies all the time.  Like, the next DVD I have to watch is Underworld 3 and it doesn’t even have Kate Beckinsale in it.  For fuck’s sake – why else would you watch an Underworld movie?  Well, I guess technically I am going to find out.

*Harris Teeter is my local grocery store.  You know how there are always a few in your town.  The really good one, the ok one and the one that you would only go to if they had a wicked sale on something that came in a can?  Well, Harris Teeter is my OK one, I think.  The really good one is not near enough to me to have me drive there just to get a red frigging box.  What am I, Mister Drive Around?

And that’s my review of The Spirit!