Posts Tagged ‘golf’
I’ve never liked golf. It’s boring as shit and the object of the game is not impressive to me. However, after seeing today’s pic, I’m starting to understand what some people may like about the game. I didn’t realize things were so kinky out there on course.
Tiger Woods lost the PGA Championship this weekend. This is of note because Tiger led after three rounds. Tiger is rarely caught, but some dude from Korea got after him on Sunday. The shot Y.E. Yang hit on 18 was awesome. I’m a Tiger fan. I’ll admit that, even when it seems to be the cool thing to root against the guy. Tiger is not the Yankees, he’s just one dude busting his ass, not an Evil Empire. So, yeah, I root for him. When Tiger is not in a tournament or playing badly, you don’t know what you’re getting from the winner.
But, when Tiger is at the top and playing solid golf, and someone is rolling with him? Yeah, you’re getting good golf down to the wire. It’s dramatic, and that is what unfolded yesterday afternoon.
So, when Yang hit one of the most clutch shots I’ve seen in golf this year, it was a great moment. When Yang won, sure, Jim Nantz saying, “Y.E…….S! YES! Yang!” or something along those lame lines, it was a great moment for golf.
Tiger faltering may be the biggest story to come from yesterday, but the bottom line is that we need more of this. Not Tiger dominating or fucking up. Something in between.
"Goddamn, I'm a sexy mother fucker."
No word on if he got himself locked up and had the map of a North Korean prison on his back, but, hey, I guess he put in work nonetheless…
SEOUL (Reuters) – North Korea said on Wednesday it had pardoned two jailed American journalists after former U.S. President Bill Clinton met the reclusive state’s leader Kim Jong-il, a move some analysts said could pave the way to direct nuclear disarmament talks.
Well, okay, if by “nuclear disarmament talks” they mean playing some golf, then I’ll buy it. If you read Kim Jong-Il’s Wikipedia, you’ll see that he enjoys the game of golf and hits three or four hole-in-ones PER ROUND.
Let’s put that into perspective. Tiger Woods has had 18 hole-in-ones. One time I was playing golf with my dad and they paired us up with some random dude. I hit a beautiful shot off the tee on a par 3. I know it is on the green. The random dude we’re playing with starts going on and on about how I must have just got a hole in one, because he can’t see the ball anymore. We drive the carts up to the green and the whole way he is so excited that he thinks I got a hole in one. We get up there and he can’t see my ball, so he gets more excited. I’m thinking calm down. Why? Because my ball is on the back of the damn green way far away from the hole. I then had to play like ten more holes with this knucklehead.
So, what I’m saying is, do NOT let any of our elected officials play Kim Jong-Il in golf. If he says “I’ll get rid of these nukes if I miss this hole in one,” don’t take him up on that because chances are dude is hitting that hole in one. He appears to be amazing at this golf stuff.
Also, no word on if Clinton bagged those journalism broads.
GRAND BLANC TOWNSHIP, Mich. — Tiger Woods won the Buick Open for a third time and claimed his 69th PGA Tour victory.
Hey, look at that, Tiger can still play golf well. A couple weeks ago everyone was panicked about the Tiger because he missed a cut. People said things like, “Wow, an 83 year old man almost won the event and Tiger can’t even make the cut? He’s done.” We live in a world of hyperbole and what have you done for me lately. So, I guess it was good Tiger signaled his intentions with this meaningless victory.
…but too damn timid to make a putt to win it. God damn.
Tom Watson’s British Open performance was amazing. 59 years old, golfing his ass off. He struggled a lot early yesterday and seemed like nerves were getting to him. Nowhere was that more evident than on the final hole. Watson caught a bad break on his approach shot needing a par to win. His birdie putt came from an uphill lie off the green on the cusp of the rough. He sent it way too far, but, still had a remaining par putt that a lot of dudes could make. He left it timid and then lost in the playoff against Stewart Cink.
In the playoff, everything came apart for Watson and he was absolutely all over the place. His worst golf of the week, really. It was tough to see Watson fall apart after watching three days in amazement at what he was on the verge of accomplishing.
I mention golf below. That justifies this picture. Don't judge me.
See how the title of this post is so direct? I am not messing around. I’m just gonna tell you some things you can do today and then that’s it. After that it is up to you.
- Watch the British Open. It will be over pretty early since they are 5 hours ahead of us. And since Tom Watson is leading (making him, at 59, the oldest player to ever lead a major going into the final day) you can wonder if that makes golf the best sport ever or not much of a sport at all. Also – some British guy might win, but his PITA wife is inconveniently almost having their first baby at the same time. She better hold it in. Unless he starts sucking on the back nine and has no shot, in which case she should just cut loose.
- Go outside. I realize that is pretty general, but since I don’t know where you live, I can’t be more specific. Like, if you live near water, I would say go there. But everyone else might have the same idea which would make it suck. So in order to avoid being sued, just stay on your own property, but outside your house.
- Help me figure out what the fuck is wrong with Japan.
- Then help me figure out what the fuck is wrong with the people who made Gwyneth Paltrow’s Website. Why when you click on something does it show up in that tiny little window?
- Watch God vs. Satan on the History Channel. And then come back next week cause I have to play the winner.
- Figure out Twitter. And for real. It’s more fun than I thought it was. And it can come in handy in the unlikely event that you need to tell a lot of people something very brief.
- DO NOT WATCH “KNOWING” WITH NICOLAS CAGE! I cannot stress this enough. I am putting the trailer down below. You can watch that and then you will be fine. Everything that was the slightest bit interesting about the movie is in the trailer. Everything else sucked. I watched it last night and thus can tell you in no uncertain terms that you should not let my suffering get wasted. You know in movies when there is something that happens for a couple seconds (like, hmm, a certain character was good as a slingshot as a kid) you know it will come into play later on? Well, the people that wrote this movie didn’t read the rules. So shit just gets put in all willy nilly. Ugh.
- LOL at how Mark Sanford refuses to shut up but gets to stay Governor. I am now rooting for him. The latest? His Editorial!
- Remind me why I watch “The Next Food Network Star”. I think it is because, like porn, everyone on the Food Network is a “Star”. Also, do all the la la chefs they have on Top Chef and shows like that thing Gordon Ramsay is good or no? Like, I don’t know anything about high brow chef…feree so I don’t know. But I sort of think all the other chef’s laugh at him.
- Waste some time at Know Your Meme. You can spend time learning how pretty much 4Chan is the primordial soup from which 99.6% of all of the Internet fads are spawned.
That’s all I got. I’m not a frigging cruise director. If you cannot make a nice Sunday out of some combination of the shit I gave you, then you are just being a dick.