Posts Tagged ‘Holiday’
You won’t lose weight because cheeseburgers are better than church, you won’t be a better person because your heart is black like soot, and you sure as hell won’t quit smoking because if raising the price to a black market kidney per pack didn’t persuade you nothing will.
Why do New Years Resolutions always encompass drastic life altering self promises? You are liars. All of you. I am le unimpressed.
I like it simple. I like it attainable.
After the Jump: Things I Resolve To Do in 2012
Everyone I know hates the winter holiday season. Long lines, no parking, traffic jams, empty shelves, better hope your immune system can battle the multitude of germs radiating from every public surface, is that another cheery version of Deck the Halls by some punk band, what is everyone’s preoccupation with snow and please, quit bringing in leftover holiday party food to work, I’ve gained 5 lbs. just this week and its 9am on Monday morning.
Rage not however, because someone wished you a Happy Yule and you just so happen to believe some virgin-birthed, savior-baby in a manger, surrounded by schizophrenics bearing spices story. You should be delighted anyone bothered to acknowledge your presence in the first place. The last time I took a random sight poll, I found a startling lack of people wearing Scarlet Letters on their chests. Pretty sure we did away with the Star of David identifiers at some point too. In fact, the only people I can easily identify in society are the incarcerated because they are most often sporting bright orange; it is obvious they’ve already made someone’s Naughty list, no need to rub it in with rosy cheeked pleasantries.
No one cares what you believe unless it is the overwhelming urge to release rabid badgers in a crowded mall (contact Site Administrator for authors personal email).
After the jump: My Proposal:
So there is a new writer. Christy Ramsey. You can call her Cramsey. Or Crammer. Or Christy I guess. She has her own site but as part of her plea bargain she has to write here, too. Her site is TGNP.me which stands for something but I don’t remember what it is. I’m pretty self-centered… But she’s funny so go see her prove it. — Acadia
Yep, I’m back again with more Josh Gates awesomeness. It’s been awhile, but that’s because I got rid of cable. I was tired of shelling out $150 a month for something I barely watched. It was a waste of money, and let’s be honest, I’m a cheap bitch.
However, my decision did not come without consequence. Since then, I’ve had to listen to Acadia piss and moan about my lack of posts. Seriously! He’s been ALL over FB and Twitter whining about it. And believe me, there’s nothing worse than Acadia when he’s whiny. And to top it all off, he’s been calling me names, which is just rude. He’s lucky he’s in Charlotte, or I’d kick his ass.
So today, to shut him up, I decided to share one of my favorite Josh Gates videos with you since it’s Cookie de Mayo.
Yes, I know technically it’s Cinco de Mayo, but that means nothing to me. Now Cookie de Mayo, on the other hand, is a different story. Like others I know, I look forward to this day when I can wake up and watch Josh Gates berate the poor Danish exchange student in this video.
And I must warn you, if you’re a Josh Gates fan, and you haven’t seen this video, be prepared to drool a little. He’s just too darn cute when he’s wearing his glasses. (Yes, guys who wear glasses are hot. And I am not afraid to admit it.)
Happy Cookie de Mayo!
Chicks dressed like bunnies aren’t sexy. Not even Playboy bunnies. So all I have after the jump is a funny cartoon Vange found and a bikini made out of peeps that Nicole found. And since I’m so light on pics I will tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a Jewish guy who pissed off some Italian guys so they killed him. That guy was Eli Roth in Godfather Part 2. Happy Easter. Hot peep bikini is after the jump! Peepkini!
This is the first Podcast of 2011, which makes it automatically better than all of the ones from 2010 because pretty much everything in 2010 sucked ass. So, rather than dwell on the past, I give you the fresh new podcast amd the news that based on a sweet idea from Beans and Melzer, I’ll be writing a book this year. No shit, I really will! Well, at least the kind that Michael Eric Dyson writes.
And, because it’s awesome, here is the top of a website than Vange found. It links to the website itself. The site is called Real Baby Samples.
I refuse to pay for baby samples. They're so small.
You know what I didn’t ask Vange? I didn’t ask her why she was looking for samples of babies. I assume it is related to the cauldron she asked me to get her for Christmas. Secret Santa kind of blows when there are only two people… Happy New Year!
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