Posts Tagged ‘Johnny Depp’
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is as large a pile of Mickey Mouse droppings as you’re ever going to get on screen. Furthermore, even with this bloated retread of a movie stinking up theaters, the only way you’re not going to see a fifth Pirates movie is if Johnny Depp dies and they can’t figure out how to prop him up with wires and sticks. How much risk is it to develop new characters and new concepts, Mickey? Johnny Depp might be a weird ass guy but he’s an actor dammit and you’re wasting my time making him do the same routine that was so funny in 2003.
It’s not just Mickey that’s beating the same old dead movie. We’re getting 27 sequels in 2011. Of those four, will be fourth sequels, five fifth sequels, two seventh sequels, and Harry Potter is going to hit number eight. Paul Schrader (Mishima, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull) told Roger Ebert that essentially Hollywood is done making grown-up films and that anyone making “creative projects” is turning to long form TV. I have to agree, of all those sequels the only one I’m looking forward to seeing is the Muppet movie and that’s only because I have a serious thing for Miss Piggy.
Johnny Depp was awarded Sexiest Man Alive for the second time by People magazine. If I were in charge, he would have been named that every year for the last…twenty? And for the next twenty, natch. I predict he, Robert Downey, Jr. and Leonardo DiCaprio will be remembered as this generation’s greatest actors. Of that group of impressive thespians (they really do become the character!), only dear darling Johnny is beautiful, strong, delicate, weird and brilliant. Not many guys can wear eyeliner and facial hair* and still come off manly as hell. His conversational range, his grasp of topics and his insight and comprehension leave me breathless. He hangs out with people who can keep up with him (Hunter S. Thompson for one shining example) and doesn’t give the rest of the Hollywood crap a second thought. His priorities are so solidly in the proper place.
Gaze upon the many faces of Senor Depp
One of the funniest things I ever saw on Letterman was Depp explaining what it is like to spend time with his then-two-year-old. Basically, he said it was like hanging out with a tiny little drunk. Toddlers fall down randomly, laugh and cry for no reason, wet themselves and blurt out bizarre shit.
I’m not much of a movie lover but I see everything this man does. Once Upon a Time in Mexico was pretty underrated. The eye gouging thing still fucking haunts me, at the end when Eva Mendes kisses him and he tricks her with a fake arm and shoots her while the blood is dripping down his face behind his sunglasses. I think this may be the only Antonio Banderas movie I’ve ever seen. But that twirling to avoid the bullet and shooting the dude’s kneecaps from behind his back is really very awesome. Ruben Blades is pretty hot, too, come to think of it. Oh fuck it, just watch the last eight minutes or so for yourself.
Sometimes, youtube is incredible. There’s another vid after the jump for the true fans. I mean…whoa.
*I realize facial hair is, by definition, manly. I don’t care for it in general and the sentence just worked and I’m sick and oh deal with it!
She's aiming for that Jack Handy expression....
Last month’s cover was better but you could shroud that man in pig shit and I’d still lick him head to toe. June’s VF kept me entertained for most of the flight to Jamaica; the article about the Acropolis Museum was fascinating and shame on those Brits! That all said, this cover is waaay funnier. “Jessica Simpson Pulls off the ‘Mom Jeans’ and Fights Back!” That is the best awfulest headline I have read in a long time.
Say what you will about Graydon Carter, the man puts together one hell of a magazine. But I can’t forgive him for approving that headline. It’s really more People than VF.
I think a giant bird is flying RIGHT at her HEAD!
She really doesn’t fit my idea of what a 38 year-old woman looks like. She also doesn’t look like she’s had work done and, since she has to shoplift drugstore eye liner, I think we can rule out a face lift. Her skin looks fresh and unwrinkled, her cheekbones sharper than ever.
She really isn’t beautiful by any means but she is intriguing-looking (and very thin) and that is often more interesting long-term. I’m wondering if Johnny Depp’s semen has some sort of Fountain of Youth properties. I’d be more than willing to bathe in it. I’d even travel to France and have coffee with Woody Allen. Hell, I’d let Woody Allen watch. I wonder if he would like that. But, I wouldn’t care; I’d be in France, covered in Johnny Depp’s cum and destined to be young forever. Oh and coffee.