Posts Tagged ‘joke’
AH HA HA, nobody ever said "You can't charm MY snake" to me before. Ass.
As I walked down the busy sidewalk in Brickfield Road, knowing I was late for temple, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds (you know – tattered clothing, long hair etc) that are found in every city these days.
Warning, the punch line to this joke is really stupid.
Since this joke is Pro-Republican, you get Monica Crowley in a lake!
A Short Spelling Lesson
The last four letters in American………I Can
The last four letters in Republican…….I Can
The last four letters in Democrats……..Rats
End of Lesson!
No need to thank me, I am just helping you expand your education.
A Canadian dude spent like 20 grand (US) on a Russian Mail Order Bride and miraculously they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
I don’t care what rich people do unless it involves them giving me some of their riches. Tiger Woods apparently likes cheating on his hot wife. According to the whole fucking internet:
AS his list of mistresses continues to grow, Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren has had enough and moved out of their $3 million luxury home. Neighbours and other sources close to Woods told RadarOnline.com that Elin is living nearby in another house.
A nearby house? Have you seen his fucking house? My house is technically nearby it and I don’t even live in the same state. Anyway, I know it sucks that he is a big fat cheater and she is being wronged and they have kids and blah blah. But we are talking about a dude who has made 750 million dollars. She is gonna get hundreds of millions. The kids will have…a lot. And I know that people say money can’t buy everything, but I suspect that the majority of people who say that are people who don’t have hundreds of millions of dollars.
Oh, and I don’t hear a lot of people calling Tiger a scum bag. I am sure they probably called him that on The View or something, but I think people don’t know what to do cause if they make too much fun of the Asian black dude they could get accused of being racist. And picking on the wife even though she is blonde and white is bad form cause she is the victim. So could this be a jokeless tragedy? Well, the only joke it reminded me of is the one about how the world isn’t fair. (To be fair, there are a bunch of Tiger Woods jokes but I can’t remember them so post them in the comments if you have any good ones).
You know how they say that if a man bangs a lot of women he is a stud but if a women bangs a lot of men she is a tramp? You know why that is? Well, if you have a key that opens lots of locks it’s called a MASTER key. But if you have a lock that can be opened by a lot of keys, it’s just a shitty lock.
If Tiger Woods calls, tell him to send me some riches. And if his wife calls, tell her to also send me some riches. Or not. Whatever. This whole thing is stupid.
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24″ waist and 34″ hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”