Posts Tagged ‘money’
1995 Was a Good Year for Modems
I wish I was all smart like Dionne Farris. This whole song is about how she knows this and she knows that. I hope she knew this would be her only hit and that she should save her money. I really hope she did cause I like this song and I think she deserves it. I bet she probably had a computer with Windows 95 on it and a wicked fast modem. Or maybe she didn’t know why anyone would ever need a computer when they didn’t need one for the previous ALL OF TIME!
Maybe she took her money and bought stock in Microsoft. In 1995 a share cost less than 6 bucks. Suck on that. I mean, it had already split a bunch of times by then but even so. Less than 6 bucks? Let’s pretend that Dionne Farris had enough money to buy 10,000 shares. And let’s say it cost her $60,000.00. And since she knew so much (listen to the song, she really brags a lot!) she knew that the stock would split THREE TIMES in the next few years. So instead of 10,000 shares she has 80,000 shares. But she doesn’t sell. Oh no. She waits until the stock reaches its highest point. December 24th 1999. A share of Microsoft would cost you $58.72 and Dionne Farris would have gotten a cool $4,697,600.00.
Or she thought she was going to be famous for years and blew all her money on drugs and Nintendo games. I don’t know and I don’t have time to look. I need to finish my time machine so I can go back to 1995, buy this CD and some Microsoft stock and trick Carmen Electra into sleeping with me by betting her I could pick the winners of the World Series, the Super Bowl. The Stanley Cup and the NBA Championship. And if that doesn’t do it, I will predict that OJ is found not guilty! Video and lyrics after the jump!
This kid is money. Straight up money. Watch all the girls at gymboree be all over him. The little tramps! He best keep his head on straight and concentrate on hoops. At least until he’s like, three.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kx6MjyBE00
And, if you want to see a video about basketball that also has karate fighting – here’s Kurtis Blow with Basketball. I wish I could have been a rapper when rap first started. All you had to do was rhyme and not sing. It was like nursery rhymes with a beat.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_shxzlTRK44
I looked - this is the most tasteful Haiti pic I could get.
First of all, right off the bat, hopeforhaitinow.org. If you want to give some money, give it to them. Or me. I will send it along. But in the meantime – there is a telethon on. here’s what I have noticed so far. The rest will go in the comments.
- George Clooney is wearing some kind of leisure suit.
- Mel Gibson has no Jews in his phone answering row.
- Alicia Keys is hot.
- Bruce Springsteen’s wife is not.
- Wyclef Jean just said: “in the words of Wyclef Jean”. I don’t think that’s allowed.
- Shakira is hot.
- I think Reese Witherspoon just fucked people wanting to donate cause they are scared they will get stuck with her.
- UPDATE! – They must have heard me cause now Steven Spielberg is in Mel Gibson’s row. Not right next to him, but a little ways down…
Ok – now you go.
Go read a book you illiterate son of a bitch and step up your vocab. Don't be surprised if your hoe steps out wit' me And you see us coming down on yo' slab. Livin' ghetto fabulous, so mad, you just can't take it. But nigga if you hate now, then you wait while I get your bitch butt naked.
No, not the good kind of Internet Whore. Like Caramel up there. I mean the bad kind. The kind that writes posts about how they just ‘happened’ to get turned on to ‘zazz!’ mouthwash and OMG how awesome is that! I hate to say it, but not everything you read on the Internet is self-indulgent crap. Some of it is for money! And the FTC has decided that it needs to be clamped down on. The Snooty NY Times Says:
Beginning today, bloggers, Twitterers and others who write online reviews or endorse products using new media must disclose it when they receive free merchandise or payment for writing about an item.
I have two questions on this. The first is how come nobody ever offered me money to talk about Zazz!? I would have poured that crap into my eyes for a C-Note. But I guess it’s too late now, which leads me to my second question: Does this mean the Internet will be different? Like, how are they gonna catch EVERYONE? Will we have to declare war on the Phillipines?
Will the relative popularity of the site doing the whoring matter? I would love to see Perez Hilton get sent to Oz so Adebisi could draw funny cum drools on Perez’s face. Except not fake. And then staple his lips to a trash can or something. But I digress.
The number one thing about all this is that I am volunteering to be the guinea pig for the whole thing. You all send me a bunch of free shit and money to write about things and then I will see if the FTC catches me. If they do, I will go on a hunger strike and become a hero to 10′s of people. Fight the Power! And if you really make money off of that sort of thing – screw you for not getting me turned onto it and watch out for the heat!
Stimulus. Get it? Sexy? Huh?
It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town look totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
A rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter,and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her ”services” on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the room and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism..
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government and the State of California are doing business today.
Yahoo is telling me that Trump is not a billionaire. Just dropping the headline on me out of nowhere:
Is Trump really a billionaire?
Under oath, Donald Trump admits to exaggerating the value of his empire.
The article doesn’t really say that, I guess. But, basically, the main says he is worth billions just because that’s how he rolls and you folks need to just get out of his way. I am kind of summarizing in an awkward way, but you don’t want to read the article: boring.
Here’s the point. I can accept Trump making lameass decisions on his show if he has like 10 billion dollars. I can not accept Trump making lameass decisions on his show if he has like 650 million dollars.
It’s a sketchy line to draw in the sand, but, frankly, one that needs to be drawn.