Posts Tagged ‘osama bin laden’

I have to admit, I got nothing tonight.  I want to go watch Mythbusters and tell all you people to eat it, but I can’t say things like that out loud cause you adore me so much so here I am doing a post for Thursday anyway.  But since I can’t think of a topic I have decided to list off all the things I decided to not write about while I wonder if Mythbusters is going to do actual myths or more stupid “they did this in a movie so let’s see if it was real!” shit.  Of course it’s not real.  They should do more myths about the relative jiggliness of boobs.  That’s science!  Now, on to the list of discarded topics (and why they were discarded)!

1. Take videos of boobs and discuss the relative jiggliness while using a scientific voice.  Discarded for being too much work and not having very attractive boobs at my local grocery store.
2. Goblecki Tepi – a temple they dug up that turns out to be 6000 years older than Stonehenge.  Which means that it’s 300 years older than your mom.  I discarded it because trying to explain the significance of a 11,000 year old complex stone structure while making fart jokes is taxing.
3. Reasons I am glad Osama Bin Laden is dead.  Discarded because I could not narrow it down.  Suffice to say that “Now I can’t bring big jars of lube on planes” would have definitely made the cut.
4. A “How to Pimp Out Mommy Bloggers” e-book.  Discarded cause I don’t like competition.
5. An Epic “Who would you do?” pitting a willing Rachel Maddow against a willing Jennifer Love Hewitt.  Discarded because I could not add “coffee can full of broken glass” into the mix and keep it fair.
6. A long diatribe about how my Facebook Account is awesome and yours is queer.  Discarded because mine is also queer but friend me anyway!
7. How China is going to fuck us up.  Discarded because I’m scared of China.
8. Does rolling up your sleeves make your upper arms twice as hot, thus cancelling out the cooling effect on your forearms? Discarded because the government denied my grant application.
9. Spending all my money to hire my favorite red headed racist Amazing Race contestant and Playboy Playmate Jamie Edmonson to hang around me all day and get me Cream of Wheat when I want.  Discarded because that was not one of the options in her drop down.  Too bad, Jamie!
10. “My Neighbor Is Asleep!  Exclusive Pics!”  Discarded due to motion sensor lights.

Better luck next time, public.  I will get some better ideas later.

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.

‘Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint, and we’re Jewish,’ she asks, ‘Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says: ‘No, I don’t think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?’

‘Osama Bin Laden,’ she says.

‘Why Osama Bin Laden?’ her father asks in shock.

‘Well,’ she says, ‘I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.  And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.’

Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. ‘Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.’

And Melissa replied: