Posts Tagged ‘sarah palin’

Today I’m on vacation in Portland so I can’t be writing a lot today.  I need to go do stuff and see my mom.  But I will show you how big Sarah Palin’s Ears are!  Oh and that Google Guitar thing that everyone was jizzing over was fun.  If you type out Acadia it sounds awesome.

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Well, for the second time in a little more than two years, we the people have decided we don’t like what’s going on with the country so we changed everything up in the elections.  We are like the George Steinbrenner version of an electorate.  We don’t give anyone a chance to do anything.  Well, unless there is a war going on.  What?  We have two wars going on?  Well, I mean fresh new wars.  If there are fresh new wars going on we will give people a chance but otherwise fuck that.  Fire the coach.  And the managers.  And many of the players.  Then things will be different.

Which makes me wonder about Sarah Palin.  Will she run?  I hope she does.  I hope she runs and she and Obama have to have a debate.  It would be like Luann from King of the Hill against Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.  She is stupid and hot and sometimes says something that sounds smart.  He’s a boring, snobby egg-head who occasionally looks like he has emotions.  The battle of the century!

Three things make me mad about politics.  These people would make ALL three happen all at the same time.

1. People who are one-dimensional and agree with EVERYTHING their party believes in.  It just smells fake.
2. People who think that everything their opponents do was wrong, even if it was something they have also done, or tried to do.
3. People who think an election is the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER.

I am not cynical.  On the contrary, I am hopeful.  I want the most entertaining election we can have and have the country see two people who are so frigging far apart that they start wondering to themselves what the fuck they are doing way out there on the idealogical linb with them.  And then maybe, just maybe, the American people will realize that the only way to really solve America’s problems is to sit down together, roll up their sleeves, and have an actual war with each other.  I mean hurting and killing.  I mean bankers fighting illegal alien drug dealers and gun-toting tri-corn hat people getting dirty heroin needles thrown at them by welfare cheats.  Sort of making America a big Thunderdome.

Just fight it out.  And the only way we get to have that fight is if Palin runs.  Mitt Romney won’t start a war, that pussy!  After the Jump, Laura Ingraham describes me to her radio audience.  Heh. And feel free to write about politics in the comments.  That always goes well! Read the rest of this entry »

I got this pic sent to me in an email that said: “Why Republican Men are Happier.”  I thought Republican men were happier cause when their wives bitch they legally don’t have to care and can just say: “Go have your period somewhere else”.  But what do I know?  I want to ram Sarah Palin and her giant ears in the BAD ram way.  Monica Crowley, on the other hand, is a different kind of ramming.  Don’t look at her after the jump.  You’re not allowed.  And no complaining that the picture ‘objectifies women’.  Go have your period somewhere else!

Pic after the jump.  Remember what I said about Monica Crowley!

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This frigging sheep is always telling me to do bad things. He's awesome. And evil.

So April 22 was Earth Day and after doing nothing to celebrate it I decided to make a new holiday called Anti-People Day.  And not because ‘we’re destroying the Earth’.  We aren’t.  Get over it you stupid hippies.  And we can’t do anything we want, either.  So get over it, big-eared Sarah Palin.  Everyone needs to admit, once and for all, that when we cry about ‘The Earth’ we really mean: “People and Dogs and TV.”  The Earth doesn’t give a fuck about you.  Want some proof?

• Earthquakes and Tsunamis.  You gonna tell me global warming does those?  Wrong.  Earth quakes cause it doesn’t care that we are scurrying around on it.
• People protest about clear cutting forests that grow out of land that used to be covered with a mile of ice.
• We complain about fossil fuels.  There are fossil fuels because the dinosaurs got killed by a METEOR.  Not because they drove cars.
• We might get killed by a meteor.  Oh, if any of you douches correct me and say “meteorite” I will punch your face in.
• The continents used to be one big continent.  And will be again.  Earth does not give a shit.

So I’m not saying that we should start shitting in the Grand Canyon and wiping our asses with endangered marmots.  I’m just saying that pretending that a giant rock that is 3/4 covered with water and MOLTEN in the middle that has been quite fine in space for billions of years is going to be SAVED by some dinks wearing bajas and drinking water out of a canteen made from leaves.

So Anti-People Day would be a day where everyone just stays home.  Don’t talk to anyone.  Don’t yap about your beliefs (they are as stupid as mine).  Don’t complain about taxes or your slutty son or daughter or mother or father.  Just stay in the damned house.  Use the AC.  Or the heat.  Whatever.  Just shut the fuck up.  For a whole day.

Then when you come out, admit that the only thing you are really worried about is wiping out PEOPLE and ANIMALS.  Not Earth.  Earth as we have discussed does not give a shit about you and does not need your goddamn help.  If you can plug up the volcano in Iceland up or prevent a tornado, then maybe you can talk seriously about doing something that Earth might care about.  Other than that, just call it what it is: “We don’t want to make ourselves extinct day”.

Idiots.

This is not a story about Sarah Palin. However, her ears are goddamn huge and I'm not gonna rest until I get some traction on this big ear movement.

I got this email the other day and while I know it is like, partisan stuff (on the Republican Whip’s Channel) but I can’t decide whether or not it’s an outrage or a big fat taste of parliamentary awesomeness.  The dude acting as speaker is John Murtha from PA who got the Federal Government to buy his district a whole airport!  So the dude is a dickhole unless you live in his district.  If you live in his district and get free airports then he’s awesome.

But the people he fucked over on this vote don’t think he’s awesome at all.  Oh no.  He’s a grade A dickhole.  UNLESS.  Well, you watch the video and figure out if there could be an unless.  If the dude can cheat THAT badly.  I mean, just flat out cheat, then why do we have to listen to people arguing over what passes in the House?  I’m thinking there is more to this than meets the eye.  Like that the vote was a foregone conclusion or some shit and each person had to play their part.  I don’t know.  It just seems odd.  I mean, it really looks like flat out cheating.  But could it be that the people stirring up noise with the video are banking on us dumb citizens being dumb and not investigating?  Well, in response to that I will say: watch the video after the jump and holy crap look at all those potatoes on TV!  I have to go!

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Is it "Twitting?" Or "Tweeting?" Maybe "Twittering."

This ABC News article sheds light on why Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska. The article begins with some lame remarks from folks in the GOP that were surprised by the move and blah, blah, blah. Eventually, they get to the meat of the article:

Palin Ramps Up Activity on Twitter and Facebook

Despite keeping a low profile in personal appearances, Palin has been active on social networking sites.

So, there you have it.

On Sunday afternoon (maybe morning in Alaska what the fuck time is it in Russia?) Sarah let folks know that Todd was fishing. There was also a tweet that spoke to “Trying to keep up w/getting truth to u.”

I’m pretty sure I read the same line about the man keeping folks down from NFL Wide Receiver Chad Ocho Cinco’s Twitter page. In that regard, Sarah is in good company.