Posts Tagged ‘Soccer’
So, when I came up with the title for today’s YouTuesday, I went in search of a good banner pic for it. I found it pretty quickly. It’s not related to the video in any way whatsoever but it definitely plays on the “bad form” part of the title. However, when I showed it to Acadia, he felt the need to censor it because you are all his precious snowflakes.
Anyway, imagine you’re watching a soccer game. All of a sudden you see a fan jump the rail and run across the field. Then you notice the cops are in hot pursuit. The police eventually catch him and wrestle him to the ground. Then, as you watch the four cops sit on the guy and try to get cuffs on him, you notice one of them take out his club and jab the guy with it. “Hey now,” you think, “I think you got him. No need for that jabbing stuff. That’s just bad form.” One jab turns into two, and two turns into three. And four. Finally, the crowd has had enough, and the cops find themselves in quite the predicament. Hit the jump for the video and the uncensored version of the banner pic.
While I am aware that few like soccer (even though some insanely talented writer here did a stunning, pulitzer-worthy series on the World Cup for this here site), I am completely knowing that people love people with wacky names.
So, English Premier League mainstay Liverpool have been scouring the globe looking for quality young talent that they can mismanage and probably sell off before they get really good. Liverpool has found a 21 year old Dutch striker who has a name so powerful, so amazing that they can make back whatever it costs to sign him on jersey sales alone.
His name? RICKY VAN WOLFSWINKEL.
Seriously.
It will be a signing that will live in history if made. I eagerly await episodes of “Liverpool Classics” in which old soccer reporters will say things like “you know the Van Wolfswinkel signing is what really started the dynasty.” I await proper sounding English commentators trying to speak fast and follow the action while also tripping over the words RICKY VAN WOLFSWINKEL. Most importantly I hope for (nay, EXPECT) to start seeing these jerseys everywhere:
TWENTY9CAST: Now with the power of 1,000 Wolfswinkles.
It’s all over now. Let’s begin again.
3RD PLACE DEATH MATCH
Germany 3 – Uruguay 2.
The third place death match (tm JW, so don’t go trying to steal it), was a game in which every player on the pitch attempted to win the golden boot (the trophy for most goals scored in the tourney) single handedly. The first half was held in a downpour, with Ian Darke making Rolling Stones references (and solidifying himself as the excitable yin to Martin Tyler’s dignified yang), Germany scoring one goal in a wave of Black shirts striking at will and the Uruguayans not going home to die. It was like watching the NFL in the snow or the rain: the weather makes everything interesting. Players were getting extra chances due to the extremely patched up turf, the slippery jubalani, soaked goalkeepers gloves and their own un-enforced will. At the half it was a 1-1 struggle, with the promise of more.
First off (since it is the big story), Lebron should have gone to the Knicks. Way more cap rom for the future. Also, picture this new Heat fans; 3 seconds left, you can only run one play. WHO GETS THE BALL?
And we’re back with quarterfinals games and a GIGANTIC UPSET to start things off.
Oh yeah forgot to tell you peoples – once it gets higher in the tournament there are sometimes days in which there are NO GAMES. But I still have things to entertain you. Like…
HEY I noticed something lame on the internet! (yeah I know, huge shock right). While on You Tube the other day, watching Black Flag videos I noticed a little soccer ball in the player. By clicking it, you can activate (and really destroy) your viewing experience by having vuvuzelas play over whatever you’re watching. Case in point – KILLA BEES. Click the soccer ball and it gets fucking META.
When there are a good amount of great, yet not interesting teams left, you have to go back to what got you here. And that is linking to English tabloids about backlash.
From the Sun, a MASSIVE HUGE breaking news SCOOP. A few England guys who barely got playing time decided to have some beers and some cigars in a hotel room. I’m all about calling England out on how shitty they played but is THIS really a story? Moreso a scandalous story? Bunch of guys, barely logged playing time decide to have a few beers and smoke and they are DISRESPECTING the country, whose fans spent a lot of money to go to South Africa to see them lose. It’s cute in theory that your athletes should be these standards of honor or morality but really they are all just like us. Those guys were in a situation in which they get tons of coverage, didn’t play (and thus not at fault really) and what else are you going to do in South Africa anyways? All that team did was go on safari, golf and sit in their hotels and panic. I mean hell, it’s not like a team member burned an England flag and said they hate England.
Well, that’s only half true if you clicked that link. Ashley Cole sort of DID SAY that he hated the country and the people, via blackberry before his plane took off back home. Which really, you want to say “I hate England and the fucking people” and text that to your friends and put that in writing right before you board a plane going back to ENGLAND.
MORE England downfall, in rumor form: The courts in England furthered a two-week media gag order on the private life of Steven Gerrard due to Gerrard alledgely getting his wife’s sister preggo. John Terry was pissed at the English national team organization for giving Gerrard the captain position, because when John Terry knocked up someone other than his wife, he was stripped of the captaincy. Seriously, if YOU had constant tabloid coverage would you even ATTEMPT to cheat on your wife? With her sister?
Hey Portugal, sorry you got knocked out by Spain. Hey Ronaldo, do you have a quote for us?
So the French are still freaking out about imploding and going home early. It’s gotten to such a point that French politicans are weighing in (because it’s good hustle to look out on your electorate and say “I agree that SUCKED that we failed”) and it’s pissing off FIFA, who are becoming eerie similar to the mob in how they handle things. The French Football Federation president Jean-Pierre Escalettes resigned, which annoyed FIFA to the point in which the FFF may be banned from participating in the next tournament.
Diego Maradona promised to strip naked and run the streets of Buenos Aries is Argentina wins. this woman (semi NSFW) has also made that promise, but if Paraguay wins the cup. Her name is Larissa Riquelme, and she has been at the games, cell phone tucked inside her ridiculously tight tank top. She would like to put the World Cup Trophy there if Paraguay wins, but she will settle for (and really everyone else will settle for this) running around Paraguay naked if they win.
Nigeria takes their soccer seriously. The president of Nigeria (his name = Goodluck Jonathan!) has suspended the national team from international friendlies (where these teams play exhibition games against the other countries as tune-ups) for TWO YEARS. The best part of this? they signed the manager to a four-year extension (or through the next World Cup), so for two years that manager will become the highest paid gym teacher EVER.
YOUR Friday/Weekend Preview after the jump!