Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’
Well, who else can he turn to? Frankly, Charlie Sheen would be a better one to offer advice. He has fucked up in big ways so many times and it always slides right off his back. Tiger should have modeled his forgive me behavior on Charlie’s; I read the ratings on a 2 1/2 Men rerun held steady after he drunkenly tried to kill his wife. So there you have it. Charlie Sheen>OJ Simpson as Tiger’s savior.
I am smug! And pierced! With shitty eyebrows! But I'm on TV!
Although I never claimed to be a fan of Tiger Woods, I would have thought he was a bit brighter. The cheating does not surprise me but some of the decaying road kill he has been linked to is unbelievable. I know I know! He was under duress because his daddy did it too. Whatfuckingever.
His wife Elin Nordegren is HOT. He, on the other hand, is rather homely! This hardly seems to matter though; a lot of insanely hot women pair up with aesthetically inferior men who cheat on them. Apparently even a beautiful Swedish model like Elin can end up with an ego maniacal pervert who is incapable of keeping his golf club at home.
Elin, like many women, has the misfortune to see the faces of the sluts their husbands are banging behind their backs. Sure, she is pissed that he cheated. Yes, she is tired of being accosted by the paps about it. Of course she is worried about how the children will be affected. But aside from all of that, she is more than likely disgusted and livid over the fact that Tiger would risk everything he has with her just to bust a nut with some of the nasty skanks he has been linked with. In some ways, this is more embarrassing that the simple fact that he cheated.
More after the jump!
I don’t care what rich people do unless it involves them giving me some of their riches. Tiger Woods apparently likes cheating on his hot wife. According to the whole fucking internet:
AS his list of mistresses continues to grow, Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren has had enough and moved out of their $3 million luxury home. Neighbours and other sources close to Woods told RadarOnline.com that Elin is living nearby in another house.
A nearby house? Have you seen his fucking house? My house is technically nearby it and I don’t even live in the same state. Anyway, I know it sucks that he is a big fat cheater and she is being wronged and they have kids and blah blah. But we are talking about a dude who has made 750 million dollars. She is gonna get hundreds of millions. The kids will have…a lot. And I know that people say money can’t buy everything, but I suspect that the majority of people who say that are people who don’t have hundreds of millions of dollars.
Oh, and I don’t hear a lot of people calling Tiger a scum bag. I am sure they probably called him that on The View or something, but I think people don’t know what to do cause if they make too much fun of the Asian black dude they could get accused of being racist. And picking on the wife even though she is blonde and white is bad form cause she is the victim. So could this be a jokeless tragedy? Well, the only joke it reminded me of is the one about how the world isn’t fair. (To be fair, there are a bunch of Tiger Woods jokes but I can’t remember them so post them in the comments if you have any good ones).
You know how they say that if a man bangs a lot of women he is a stud but if a women bangs a lot of men she is a tramp? You know why that is? Well, if you have a key that opens lots of locks it’s called a MASTER key. But if you have a lock that can be opened by a lot of keys, it’s just a shitty lock.
If Tiger Woods calls, tell him to send me some riches. And if his wife calls, tell her to also send me some riches. Or not. Whatever. This whole thing is stupid.
Tiger Woods lost the PGA Championship this weekend. This is of note because Tiger led after three rounds. Tiger is rarely caught, but some dude from Korea got after him on Sunday. The shot Y.E. Yang hit on 18 was awesome. I’m a Tiger fan. I’ll admit that, even when it seems to be the cool thing to root against the guy. Tiger is not the Yankees, he’s just one dude busting his ass, not an Evil Empire. So, yeah, I root for him. When Tiger is not in a tournament or playing badly, you don’t know what you’re getting from the winner.
But, when Tiger is at the top and playing solid golf, and someone is rolling with him? Yeah, you’re getting good golf down to the wire. It’s dramatic, and that is what unfolded yesterday afternoon.
So, when Yang hit one of the most clutch shots I’ve seen in golf this year, it was a great moment. When Yang won, sure, Jim Nantz saying, “Y.E…….S! YES! Yang!” or something along those lame lines, it was a great moment for golf.
Tiger faltering may be the biggest story to come from yesterday, but the bottom line is that we need more of this. Not Tiger dominating or fucking up. Something in between.
GRAND BLANC TOWNSHIP, Mich. — Tiger Woods won the Buick Open for a third time and claimed his 69th PGA Tour victory.
Hey, look at that, Tiger can still play golf well. A couple weeks ago everyone was panicked about the Tiger because he missed a cut. People said things like, “Wow, an 83 year old man almost won the event and Tiger can’t even make the cut? He’s done.” We live in a world of hyperbole and what have you done for me lately. So, I guess it was good Tiger signaled his intentions with this meaningless victory.