Posts Tagged ‘women’
Chicks love to hang this song over guys’ heads. Like, guys are supposed to feel all honored that their girlfriends are crazy? It’s a total bunch of crap. And in nine out of ten cases, the answer is yes. Yes. The guy is “strong” enough to be your man. The more important question is what is the crazy woman doing to make the crazy worth it. Guys have huge capacity for crazy. Abraham Lincoln was President and had to fight a whole war and his wife was batshit. Then again he won the war so maybe having a crazy woman helps.
History is probably full of examples of guys with crazy wives doing great things. Henry the 8th had so many wives one of them had to have been crazy. P.T. Barnum. Jesus. The list goes on and on. So next time you are a woman and thinking this song really “nails it” like that Marmaduke cartoon you have in your cube, remember that your man is plenty strong and if you are good to him then you can be as crazy as you want. Except no knives. Unless they are sexy.
Video after the jump!
I'll show those truckers what I can do. This shirt says: treat me as an equal!
Maya Sieber Ice Road Trucker
Never let it be said that if something is mildly successful that it won’t be copied over and over again. Given the success of introducing their first female character, Lisa Kelly, the History Channel decided to find the prettiest truck driver they could find. It must have taken a long time. I bet it would have been easier to find a halfway decent looking girl and teach her to drive a truck. Why? Because good looking people don’t have to take shitty jobs unless they are teenagers or in witness protection.
Don’t believe me? Well, when is the last time you said: “Look how hot that janitor is!” or “put down that bag of Whoppers, take off that headset and kiss me!”? Never? Exactly. May Sieber seems to have all of her teeth and the fact that she has been driving a truck for three whole years means one of two things. 1: She will die pretty quickly. 2: It’s not all that hard to drive on the ice roads. Given the fact that I have been watching the show for a long time and I haven’t seen anyone die or even get hurt makes me think this is a scam.
That will work out well for Maya Sieber. I’m sure that she’ll have a great time hauling loads all over the Great White North. And just to make sure we talk about equality for a minute: this whole thing is stupid. Girls should not do that job. Just like men should not be nurses, women should not drive truck. I know this because I would be a great truck driver which means it is a gross job. So stay tuned to this space for updates on how Maya is doing. Hopefully there won’t be an accident or a gang bang or an accidental gang bang. I hope it is just: she drove to this place and gave the people there some chips. Or a pipe. Or a pool table. I don’t know what they need. Watch the video after the jump and shut up.
Every time I get annoyed with the huge amount of bullshit that I have to endure in this lifetime I feel like Andy Rooney. I think he still does his Sixty Minutes thing where he gets paid a fortune to be a cranky bastard for a few minutes. I don’t know I stopped watching TV a while ago because it annoyed me.
What set this off you might ask? Yeah I can see you frantically hitting the scroll button to the next topic so you can just suck it. Anyway I’m trying to take a leak at the supermarket the other day and in walks Daddy with little Jennifer who has to piddle. I know that little girls have to go just like everyone else but what the hell is he doing taking her into a men’s room with a line of guys using the urinals. I wasn’t the only guy who suddenly got the urge to zip it up and flee. The least he could have done was yell GRENADE or poke his head in and say: “Hey my kid has to pee so put them away guys.”
As a champion of justice (and competitive boating) I am constantly trying to help women achieve the equal rights they so desperately need. Having boobs, while awesome, is not enough to make up for the disparities in wages, big important job having, and general lumberjack activity opportunities. So I’ve taken it upon myself to try to usher things along by pointing out small things that may hold women back.
And no, I don’t mean fighting institutional sexism or exposing some shadowy ‘old boys network’ conspiring to keep women in the kitchen. I mean helping by pointing out the things that would actually affect someone’s thought process when they enter a voting booth. I realize that the Equal Rights Amendment is not really a hot button issue right now but I’m assuming that some chick at some point is going to wonder why her state won’t make it a law that she can’t be discriminated against unless she becomes a lesbian. And when that time comes, you’ll be prepared with my handy tips.
If you are working on a computer and talking to a man, if you need to ask if you need to close a window, ask: “OK, so close the window?”
Stop saying: “X it out”.
It doesn’t mean anything. It would be like if a guy asked you how much gas you had and you said “Enough”. And then later when you ran out of gas you called and said: “It said E! E stands for Enough!” The exception to this rule is if you are being cute with your boyfriend or husband or lesbian husband. And you KNOW you are closing the window but you say X it out anyway. You know how I know? Cause if they had made the symbol to close the window a circle with a dot in it you would not all be asking people if you should “Boob it out.”
You’re welcome.
Google is Sexist. Or else women don't use Google a lot. Inequality strikes again!
Editor’s Note – If you want to see more Ballsack (and really, who doesn’t) you will have to go the Batcave. That’s where he lives.
The 1950s were stupid. Women didn’t have equal rights and they certainly didn’t have the same elevation as men. That was soon fixed in the 60s with the advent of fuck-me-pumps. However, women still sucked. They didn’t earn as much as men and they couldn’t go to school or vote like men.
This is me in my apartment, chillaxing to the Rolling Stones. Sorry for the small photo; I used my microiPhone.
Society has learned a fuckin’ lot since then – like iPods, iPhones, iPads and Windows 2015. And, because of these things, society has become a lot more adept and righted the wrongs and wronged the rights to make a far more harmonious society. However, the woman’s revolution really didn’t go far enough since the 70s and really stagnated in the 2010 era and society isn’t really as harmonious as it should be, due to this fact.
Even though women are earning [in many cases] more than men and have better job prospects than men, they really don’t have their full, rightful and retrospective status as equals amongst the unequals of men. Thus, as the 2020s Dude, I propose that men pay women even more, and I don’t mean for sex!
It’s really clear to me that for society to be truly progressive, men must accept to give women even greater responsibility, such as to become totally dominant as the earner in the family (where there is one) while letting the man stay at home to look after the house work. Once this is complete, society will be at total peace and harmony and the Republican Party can finally be scrapped.
Smell you later,
20s Dude
It's not polite to point
Since most of you don’t like in Britain, you probably are not up on British fashion. Well, worry no longer. I am here to keep you up to date on the fashion trends of our little floating friends to the east. And right now, it’s pointy bras! According to some British bra scientist:
‘Conical bras have 48 technological components to help create that 1950s silhouette.’
This is why women need to stop complaining that they have it tougher than men. You have 48 technical components. What do guys have? Some socks stuffed into their pants? That spray-on hair? All you British women with your pointy boobs should be helping your soccer hooligan men out by poking them with your pointy boobs. They’ll appreciate it, and it might keep them from trying to burn you at the stake for being a witch. Or it may make them more likely. I’m no sociologist of England.