Posts Tagged ‘zombies’
Seems like these days everyone is on a zombie kick. Zombies are the new Vampire! Anyway – click after the jump to see the video. You want to keep up with the times, no?
There’s something undeniably creepy about kid monsters. The idea that there’s someone wicked beneath the happy moppet facade isn’t all that outrageous to anyone who’s actually been around a real kid. Movies have long recognized the idea. There’s the kiddies in the Village Of The Damned and the adorable Damien of The Omen, even redneck monster kids in Children Of The Corn, now there’s miner zombie kids in Wicked Little Things.
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Yeah, there are clues in here. Clues.
OK, so Beans and I were in a hot three way with Nicole this morning as we tested out our super new (old) technology for recording podcats. So now instead of doing the regular thing, we are gonna try something different and it is gonna include more talking and more than just me. Think of it as one step above having to read the ingredients of your shampoo when you are taking a dump. Wait, that was needlessly harsh. It is like, five steps better than that. It’s also not just me now, so I have someone to blame.
And finally, since the podcat people seem to be pretty stuck up, I am going to start mixing in regular links to people. The same rules apply. Post a comment in here, I will link to you next week. Unless you’re Hitler or porn or Hitler porn. And don’t seagull us, either. And by seagull I mean, fly in, eat our food, take a shit and fly away. I’ve KILLED for less. I have no idea what I’m talking about, so here are some links!
PODCAT IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST – DINKS!
- Free Stuff – in honor of the resurrection of the free conference call thing – check out these free things. I love pretending we are a real company. TAKE A LETTER!
- Jenny Beans – she writes horror fiction (buy some), she makes her living as a freelance writer and she loves making posts on her site sticky. So if you want to see what’s new, get your scrolling finger warmed up!
- Sparkle the Cat – this site is written by a cat. There are way more sites written by cats than you think there are. They’re quiet. I heard once a cat site breathed in a baby’s soul.
- Drew Beatty – For a Canadian, Drew Beatty is allll right. And his name isn’t Drew. It’s Drew Beatty. I linked to his post about Zombie Awareness Month. Seems pretty silly to tease zombies into thinking for a minute that they can be aware, but I don’t judge. Also, I bet Mrs. Drew Beatty yells out: “OH DREW BEATTY” when they’re doing it. Actually I don’t think. I know. Don’t ask me how I know. I didn’t judge you.
- Nicole Ireland – Despite her porn star name, she does not appear to be a porn star. Her latest post is about the cancellation of “Legend of the Seeker” which she referred to as LOTS. When she said it to me I thought she meant LOST but had a typo. Shows what I know. Also, she might be a porn star. Look at her name!
- James Melzer – Podcatter, published author, cool guy and someone who makes a living writing. And I don’t mean “I only eat crackers and live at the Y” living. I mean have money and a car and more than one pair of pants living. He also lets you download a lot of his work for free, which sort of runs contrary to the first thing I said but again, I don’t judge.
- Patrick the Spammer – Pat’s not really a spammer but his comments always get flagged as spam. He wrote a nice article about Ernie Harwell. Why do you care? Cause Vange is from Detroit. I think anyway. Now that I think about it, she seems to have trouble keeping her stories straight!
- Is there an app for that? – Funny chicks are hawt.
- Granite State of Mind – This is the best re-purposing of the Jay-Z Alicia Keys song (thanks, Leonidas). but I’m embedding the one about Portland, Maine cause I’m a homer and you can all suck it.
- White Castle Scented Candles – They mean the burgers. If they had been talking about the White Castle on Fordham Rd. I used to go to the smell would be gunpowder, crack, piss and fear.
- EG Talbot – this is his review of the Dark Journeys short story collection. I like him cause his name means, “for example”. I bet he has a brother called IE Talbot.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Disembodied lips are also scary in Mexico. No! Stay away lips with no teeth! But in Spanish.
You know how kids believe anything? Like, you can tell a kid about Big Foot and they will believe you cause they never heard any contrary opinions about Big Foot? Or how they get scared of shit that isn’t there and could never be real? Well, I guess you can trade all your kids in for grown up Mexicans cause according to this video they are scared of a skeleton on a dirt bike.
Not Ghost Rider. I mean like a med school skeleton with a flappy mouth and a motorcycle with training wheels and a Mexican dude who yells Boo in Spanish at people. And they run like Satan was after them swinging their mom’s face around on a piece of barbed wire that he pulled out of Jesus’ fence of holiness. And do you see how stupid that simile is? Well, that’s nothing compared to the stupidity of this minibike skeleton.
If any of you speak Spanish, please tell me what this dude is saying. And also – the fact that it is a TV show means that Mexico greenlit a segment where a minibike skeleton scares people while they walk down the street next to a giant wall. Is that the wall to a cemetery? Why the fuck is it so tall? Do they bury their dead with catapults and are scared of catapulting zombies? Fuck you, Mexico. Explain yourself!
The Super Bowl is going to run what, four hours, say? That’s 14440 seconds. That means you could watch my alternative: Barefoot Bill’s Naked Guy Zombie Movie about 145 times in the same stretch. Fuck that Super Bowl. Tom Brady rules. And fuck Peyton Manning’s stupid brother. And fuck you, Ray Lewis, you and your fat RAVENS! But I digress.
I am currently in high level negotiations with Barefoot Bill (check out his link only if you want a lot of naked man) to become the guy half of the Gallery’s Official Naked Couple. So far the negotiations have gone like this: Something something. Bill telling me him and his lady partner are fine being naked. Me saying okay. Bill going to get the snow off his car (I presume with clothes on). Me writing this post.
So since I never asked anyone else to be naked on the site before (and technically I didn’t really ask him) I guess I am batting 1000 with the whole: “hey, be naked on the site” thing. So after the jump, you can see Bill as a zombie who apparently got made a zombie while he was taking a bath, cause he’s naked. Also he tries to strangle his victim instead of eating his brains. And he’s naked. So I expect some thoughtful reviews of this clip. It’s a real movie. But this scene was cut out because the director realized that the zombie was a naked dude. Now go watch! Oh, and if stupid Vimeo doesn’t work with your browser then click the link. I’m not your personal projectionist. Douche.
This is what I dressed up as. Did I look like a hot chick?
So the 2009 costume contest has come and gone and the winners were announced, but I didn’t talk about everyone who entered yet. And usually when there are individuals in our contests, I talk about them. Cause screw them. The gallery is at the bottom if you want to relive the glory of it. I am going to reference people in the order in which they finished in the contest. The no sign booby prize people are at the bottom. Boobies. Hee.
- Super Ghost Boy – What can I say? Who would have thought that a kid who could not even figure out how to hold the goddamn sign rightside up could amass an army of more than 1200 cookie deleting bastards! Super Ghost Boy, I hope your mom or dad or whoever entered you uses the money to buy you a real costume for next year!
- The Lewis Carrolls – It was really close on like, Tuesday when the Lewis Carrolls (good costumes by the way) were really fighting the good fight vote wise. I like them a lot and I hope they play next year. UPDATE – The LC’s Contacted me and let me know that they got their votes from Myspace!
- Squeenager – Now we are in the realm of what I like to call “The people who didn’t cheat”. Squeenager mobilized a lot of people. Also, not for nothing, but I heard some guys were commenting on her and I will be contacting the FBI, pervs. Her name is not Squeendult. Anyway – hats off to you, undead child.
- Fragileheart – Prettiest costume for sure. I mean, this was genuine finery. And she got redressed on Sunday just to enter. I know cause I was in her yard watching her.
- Jeremy – Jeremy by FAR worked the hardest on his pics. I mean, come on. Look at them. You have to squint to see him in some of them and then when you do it’s fucking creepy. I think if he had big tits he would have won.
The rest (and the new pics) after the jump – don’t miss it!!!