I have to admit, I got nothing tonight. I want to go watch Mythbusters and tell all you people to eat it, but I can’t say things like that out loud cause you adore me so much so here I am doing a post for Thursday anyway. But since I can’t think of a topic I have decided to list off all the things I decided to not write about while I wonder if Mythbusters is going to do actual myths or more stupid “they did this in a movie so let’s see if it was real!” shit. Of course it’s not real. They should do more myths about the relative jiggliness of boobs. That’s science! Now, on to the list of discarded topics (and why they were discarded)!
- Take videos of boobs and discuss the relative jiggliness while using a scientific voice. Discarded for being too much work and not having very attractive boobs at my local grocery store.
- Goblecki Tepi – a temple they dug up that turns out to be 6000 years older than Stonehenge. Which means that it’s 300 years older than your mom. I discarded it because trying to explain the significance of a 11,000 year old complex stone structure while making fart jokes is taxing.
- Reasons I am glad Osama Bin Laden is dead. Discarded because I could not narrow it down. Suffice to say that “Now I can’t bring big jars of lube on planes” would have definitely made the cut.
- A “How to Pimp Out Mommy Bloggers” e-book. Discarded cause I don’t like competition.
- An Epic “Who would you do?” pitting a willing Rachel Maddow against a willing Jennifer Love Hewitt. Discarded because I could not add “coffee can full of broken glass” into the mix and keep it fair.
- A long diatribe about how my Facebook Account is awesome and yours is queer. Discarded because mine is also queer but friend me anyway!
- How China is going to fuck us up. Discarded because I’m scared of China.
- Does rolling up your sleeves make your upper arms twice as hot, thus cancelling out the cooling effect on your forearms? Discarded because the government denied my grant application.
- Spending all my money to hire my favorite red headed racist Amazing Race contestant and Playboy Playmate Jamie Edmonson to hang around me all day and get me Cream of Wheat when I want. Discarded because that was not one of the options in her drop down. Too bad, Jamie!
- “My Neighbor Is Asleep! Exclusive Pics!” Discarded due to motion sensor lights.
Better luck next time, public. I will get some better ideas later.