A lot of you might not know this, but in some shitty middle of nowhere place in Georgia stands some weirdo pillars commissioned by some guy who used an alias (R.C. Christian).  It has the same message written in Arabic, Chinese, English, Hebrew, Hindi, Russian, Spanish and Swahili.  So screw you, France!

Now, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the message the guidestones are delivering.  The first one that occurs to me would be: who exactly would be ‘guided’ to the middle of butt-ram Georgia?  What kind of disaster would drive people to Elbert County, Georgia to find out what to do next?  And come to think of it, why would you have to say something was in a county?  Doesn’t a county have to be filled with towns?  Hazzard CountyThe Coward of the County?  Maybe it’s a southern thing (dummies).

Anyway, the main controversy is the message printed on the guidestones.  I could go into a bunch of nerdy Wikipedia stuff about how they are aligned to this and that and how R.C. Christian might be Ted Turner (the things weren’t put up until 1980) but instead I’m going to show you what they say and you can judge for yourself.

  1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
  2. Guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity.
  3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
  4. Rule passion – faith – tradition – and all things with tempered reason.
  5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
  6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
  7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
  8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
  9. Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite.
  10. Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature.

So, I guess the whole “kill most of the people on the planet” thing that tops the list pretty much eliminates the idea that this was written by hippies even though most of the other things seem pretty hippie-ish.  At any rate – they are there, and nobody knows who really commissioned them.  They want us to have one language (hippie) and apparently weed out genetically inferior people (see rule two).  That’s not hippie at all.  I don’t have a frigging clue why anyone would waste their time making up stupid mixed messages when they could just have just drawn a very clear map of which countries we need to kill and which people we need to genetically weed out.  I’m guessing Germany and redheads.  And a useless redheaded German official?  So extra dead.  I would NOT want to be that guy.

So, there you have it.  Crazy rocks in the middle of nowhere telling us to kill.  Or maybe, like a lot of people think, they are there to teach us what to do in case of an apocalypse.  But I have to think that if there is an apocalypse that people are not going to remember how to get to the stupid guide stones.  I think it would probably be better if they put the 10 things we are supposed to do on Chinese food containers and McDonald’s cups.

Want to learn more?  Click here. I’m into Bing these days.  Screw Google.  You German Gingers.