Concern Troll This!


I cried when Old Yeller died. There is nothing that gets me angrier that a senior animal abandoned. I’m one of those fools who has puppy photos in his wallet and worse I’ll show them to you. With all those bone fides I’m wondering why I’m not going nuts over the GoDaddy commercial “animal rights activists” worked hard to get pulled  from the Super Bowl.
It’s because I still have the ability to tell the difference between cartoons and reality. I would have liked to explain the concepts of Concern Trolling and Manufactured Outrage to GoDaddy CEO Blake Irving before he caved in to internet bullies. It’s just like the schoolyard Blake. Giving them your lunch money only encourages them.

At first I was on board. How could they make an ad about puppy mills? The difference between Blake and I (Aside from the CEO compensation package) is that I automatically go Snopes.com if something is just too easy to get outraged about. In this case I just watched the video. Go ahead and watch it yourself. They’re probably getting more eyes on content this way than they would even on Super Bowl Sunday. Be honest. Does it piss you off?

A puppy falls out of a truck then has an incredible journey home. It would have been all good if those heartless bastards at GoDaddy hadn’t ruined all the heartwarming Budweiser sentimentality with a humorous YOINK. The puppy has been sold on a web site created using GoDaddy and he’s shipped off in a van driven by Danica Patrick.
Personally I don’t think they got a lot for their $4 million dollar investment. If you’re reaching for your calculators ad time at the Super Bowl averages about $133,000 per second. I’d have thought for that kind of money they’d have ended up with something cutting-edge like the January 1973 cover of National Lampoon. There are still people flipping out over: If you don’t buy this magazine, We’ll kill this dog!

If GoDaddy was that clever they’d have had forty years of publicity for their $4 Million. I hate to break this to GoDaddy but the woman shrieking about puppy mills doesn’t care if you’re showing a nice warm barn. The off topic guy who just posted a wall of text about dog fighters buying puppies on Craig’s List would have done that if the ad was about sunshine and daisies. That’s what these kind of trolls do.

I mean come on guys. You’re the crew that gave us Bar Refaeli and Walter the Nerd making out and Danica Patrick declaring that her beaver was safe and out of sight. You’re honestly going to try and tell us that you don’t understand the concept of your own ads or your target audience?

I’ve got an idea. Just have Buddy the puppy do a big dump and film it. It will be a lot funnier than whatever you get to appease the internet bullies who just scored off you.

You can send the check to Acadia Einstein. He’s my manager.