Not really sure how this came about, but apparently just because someone (not me) wrote some horny fan fiction about Gronk, he got to act it out with Charlotte McKinney.  The video is below, but I am pretty mad about the whole thing.  How come he gets to spike things like flowers and bottles off her butt?  And how come he is the exact type of doofus I am except giant and talented and famous?  Nobody writes fan fiction about me.  I don’t think, anyway.  If I wrote any it would be about Charlotte McKinney and me.  And Gronk.  And the chick from Night Court who I am pretty sure gave me my first wet dream.  I can’t be sure.  It’s hard to remember all the way to last week.  I love Nick at Night.

Anyway, here is the video and then a pic of Charlotte eating something.  Because if I had a good camera and was in charge of following her around I would take as many unflattering pics of her as I could just to throw everyone else off.  And if I see Gronk anywhere near her, I will have to step in.  I mean, would I trade another Super Bowl for some time with Charlotte?  Well, since I am just an idiot fan and not getting anything out of their win, yes I would.  As a New England Fan, since 2001 I have:

  • Four Super Bowls
  • Two World Series
  • One NBA Championship
  • One Stanley Cup.

Before that, all I had was some Larry Bird titles that I barely remember.  So screw you, Gronk!  You got your ring.  Oh, and in 2001, Charlotte McKinney was 10.  I have shirts from 2001.  Gah. I need new clothes.  I might have a date soon!