The woman in the center of this picture is Queen Mary (1867-1953).  The picture was taken in 1945.  Who gives a shit?  Well, I guess the same people who care that Prince William is marrying Kate Middleton.  Why are these pictures special in any way?  Well, this is the first time anyone on the Internets has ever seen them cause I just scanned them out of this old album I acquired.  On the back of each one is a stamp from the army declassifying it “for personal use” and specifically “not for publication”.  Well screw you, limeys!  I’m publishing them!

Who was Queen Mary?  Allow me to bullet point you, commoner peasant.

  • She was the Queen Consort of the United Kingdom and the British Dominions, and Empress of India.  You were not.  Nor will you ever be.  I don’t think that India even has an empress anymore.  What do they have?  Who is the president of India?  I have no idea.  But I would know if they had an Empress.  Think about it, India.
  • She was the Duchess of York (like Fergie) and the Princess of Wales (like Diana).  However, these titles seem to have not caused her to become a tubby ginger drunk or a two-timer.  Granted, her husband was two-timing her, but exactly how was I supposed to feel sorry for the FUTURE QUEEN OF ENGLAND who left her husband to date A BILLIONAIRE?  Seriously.  I didn’t want Princess Diana dead, but it isn’t like she had to leave Prince Charles and get a job at Stuckeys.
  • She was the Queen from 1910 until her husband (George V) died in 1936.  Incidentally, her husband “may” have died as a result of his doctor injecting him with cocaine and morphine.  Medicine sucks now.  But that meant she was the Queen during all of World War I, which I assume means she had to wear armor and hide in a castle.  Or, if HBO is right about British Royalty, get boned 400 times day.
  • She is Queen Elizabeth II (the current Queen)’s grandmother.  Which makes her Prince William‘s great great grandmother.  I would be willing to bet that she never wore a pair of pants in her life.
  • She had a big ass ship named after her that is now a hotel in Long Beach, CA.  It is rumored to be haunted.  There are no ships named after you.
  • The pics themselves seem to be her getting in a car in front of some castle, and then attending some kind of game (which sort of seems to be in front of the same castle).
  • The closest you will get to this experience is if you let someone drive you from one end of your driveway to the other while your friends play wiffle ball.

One of a kind, never before seen royalty pics after the jump!

Getting in the car (in a fancy manner)

Yay sports that require protective nets!

Queen Mary watching the rousing game of...wickenchestershireball?

Army Business!

If anyone knows anything about these pics or that day or how to play wickenchestershireball then let me know.  I have to admit that finding some snap shots that the Queen of England might find interesting is sort of cool, and just the kind of ice-breaker I need to get invited to tea.  And for me, “getting invited to tea” is a euphemism for motorboating the Queen.  I bet you she would neither care nor understand what I did and would smile at me sweetly after I finished while James Bond stabbed me in the jugular with an umbrella.