Does this gun make me look fat?

Not a lot of fanfare on this.  I just need this knife.  So buy me one.  But for fuck’s sake don’t throw it to me.  As the amateurish dipshit who does the commercial says:

If that were an arm or a leg or a head, it’d be flopping on the ground right now.

In my daily life I am frequently attacked by blocks of meat, planks of wood, cement blocks, car hoods and silver dollars.  This knife is pretty much the only thing standing between me and not being able to chop many of the things in that list in half.  The car hood not so much, though.  I’m not really sure what they are doing with that.  But the silver dollar didn’t stand a chance.

Gimme.