this dude is not outrunning them bees. no chance. NONE.

this dude is not outrunning them bees. no chance. NONE.

The 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee gets underway today. 10am on ESPN and in primetime on ABC.

You know what, though, I’m not going to be all nice to these kids.

This competition is bullshit.

It’s just one kid goes up. Spells. Another kid goes up. Spells. Yet another kid goes up. Faints. Spells.


Except for the fainting. That can stay. Here are three things I would like to see changed about the spelling bee. They would absolutely be for the better.

– Defense. You have to have defense or else this becomes like darts. Unless you want to get the kids drunk, there’s no defense in darts and it becomes boring. Figure something out on the defensive end.
– Have the kids broken into groups and have them spell words at the same time. Speed bonuses.
– Speaking of speed…rapid fire round. Can’t ask questions like “LANGUAGE OF ORIGIN PLEASE I’M FREAKIN’ OUT HERE MAN”. Just need to cold bang out some spelling.

The problem is if they make these changes the competition will get too big, too awesome and next thing you know there will be a one hour studio show before the spelling bee.

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