True Blood July 24 – Pam Still Looks Like Shit

A good friend of mine joked last night that he should charge women for drool cups because, ya know, when one of those sexy vamps pops up on the screen, we turn into salivating teenagers. I agree with him, except I want to sell the cups. I could make serious bank.

Here’s this week’s recap of what went down on episode five. There were a couple WHOA moments, as well as a one or two that made me laugh my ass off.

• The episode kicks off with Joe Lee dragging Tommy around on the ground by a chain. Tommy pretends to pass out and then proceeds to choke and beat up Joe Lee. Then he whacks both his mom and father, sending them both to their Maker. Whoops! He didn’t plan on offing mommy, too. What’s a guy to do now? Methinks he’s off to see Sam.
•  Marni wakes up in the circle, disoriented. Tara and Lafayette try to leave, but Jesus stops them. Marni tells the three of them the spirit witch bitch returned and that she saved them. Marni then reveals she was possessed by the witch.
• Arlene’s convinced Rene is coming back to take Mikey. Terry wants to bring in someone to cleanse their house.
• Eric dreams of Sookie and Godric. But unfortunately, he doesn’t recognize his own Maker. He ends up taking a leisurely stroll upon waking up to Sookie’s bedroom and she wakes up. He tells her he had a bad dream.

• Jessica and Hoyt take Jason to Jason’s house. Hoyt senses that Jess isn’t telling him something. He’s gonna figure out the truth before this season is over. Then what will happen to these two?
• Portia visits Bill and kisses him. He tells her they can’t be together because they’re related. Oh, but Portia is prepared for the argument because she mentions other states that have repealed their anti-incest laws. I guess Portia’s not against freaky deaky with relatives. She won’t shut up, so Bill glamours her to be terrified of him. HAHAHAHA!
• Eric lays in bed next to Sookie and cries. She comforts him. He asks her if he’s evil, and she tells him he’s not. Then he tells her he’d never hurt anyone as beautiful as her. Ah, vulnerable Eric, you’re just so damn cute!
• Pam shows up at Bill’s and shows him her face. HOLY SHIZNIT! It looks a vat of acid was dumped on her face. Bill tells her she can’t kill Marni even though she wants to. Stupid Nan for not letting the vampires exact revenge. You screw with a vampire’s face, you better be prepared to die.
• Lafayette and Jesus decide to go get help Jesus’s grandfather who lives in Mexico. Tara says she’s going back to New Orleans. Flashback to Jesus’ childhood when his grandfather made him kill a goat. Jesus is convinced that the secret to his power is in Mexico with his grandfather. Tara calls her girlfriend and tells her she’s going back to New Orleans. Her girlfriend asks her who Tara Thornton is. UH OH! Have fun explaining that Tara/Toni.
• Tommy goes to Sam and shows him what he did to Joe Lee and his mom. “I fucked up, Sam.” Gee, can you say understatement?
• Sookie asks Holly how her group is going. Then she mentions that she heard that Holly’s “group” got attacked by vampires. Sookie reads her mind. I guess Holly forgot about Sookie’s “abilities”. Dumbass.
• Jason tells Hoyt about being forced to have sex with all the women in Hot Shot. He wonders if God is punishing him for having too much sex with hot women. OH JASON! *shakes head* Then Jason realizes he’ll be turning into a panther the next night. He’s gonna have Cat Scratch Fever.
• Reverend Daniels and Tara’s mom show up at Terry and Arlene’s house to perform a cleansing.
• Sookie goes to visit Marni and asks for a reading. She gives Marni her necklace to hold onto. Almost instantly Marni hears voices and tells Sookie she sees someone who recently passed over. Sookie realizes she’s describing her grandmother. Her gran tells her to run. So she does.
• Tommy and Sam set out to dispose of the bodies. Andy Bellefleur chases them down. Sam tells Tommy to get in the back.  Andy is still hopped up on V. Andy tells Sam to unlock the backdoor. Tommy prepares to brain him with a shovel. Opens the doors to find an alligator. HAHA! Tommy changed into a gator. Too funny.
• Katie shows up to see Marni. (Remember, Katie is Bill’s spy.) Marni tells her about the spirit. And then Bill’s guards show up and “arrest” Marni.
• Tara tells Sookie about her girlfriend and how she doesn’t know the truth about Tara. You can’t help but feel bad for Tara. The chick’s been through some serious shit. Sookie tells her she needs to be honest. Umhm. Just like Sookie is, right?
• Marni is locked up in a holding cell. She has another vision of what happened to the witch. It turns out she was bitten by a vampire.
• Tara asks if she can stay with Sookie but Sookie tells her she can’t. Then Tara turns around and sees Eric behind them. Tara is pissed that Sookie lied to her. The look on Eric’s face when Tara spouts off about the real Eric is sad.
• Bill talks to Marni via intercom. He asks her about Eric. She tells him that Eric attacked them. Pam tells Bill to tell Marni to reverse the spell that she placed on Pam. But Marni doesn’t know how to reverse it. Bill decides to glamour her to be certain she’s not lying.  She’s telling the truth. Too bad for Pam and Eric.
• Jesus and Lafayette finally arrive in Mexico to see his grandfather. His grandfather pops up behind the boys and tells them he’s been expecting them.
• Some stranger shows up on Alcide’s doorstep. He’s the Packmaster of Shreveport. He’s not happy with Alcide. (One Alcide scene the entire episode? WTH!)
• Sam and Tommy dispose of the bodies in a pond. Sam tries to make Tommy feel better about killing his parents.
• Terry and Arlene have sex. They think things are better. Right. Then a book of matches bursts into flames. I really can’t wait to see where this storyline goes.
• Jason dreams about Jessica. Then Hoyt shows up. This scene made me LOL so hard, I practically peed myself.
• Eric asks Sookie about the things Tara said about him. He doesn’t understand why she’s helping him. He gets up and walks out the front door. Sookie runs after him and tells him not to go. They hug….and then….THEY KISS!!!  Super hot!
• Bill meets with the four remaining Louisiana sheriffs and tells them about what happened to Eric. One of them reveals info about the sorceress that Marni keeps seeing and about vampire history. Pam keeps losing parts of herself. She ends up slipping and revealing what happened to Eric and where he is. Pam..what the hell were you thinking? Girlfriend, I know you’re ticked about your face, but seriously! You’re supposed to protect Eric. Not rat him out.
• Bill goes to Sookie’s. UH OH! He’s pissed.