Oh no!  Winona Ryder has admitted to the hospital in London because.  Umm.  Well, there really isn’t a good reason.  According to the official story:

LONDON – Actress Winona Ryder was briefly hospitalized after falling ill on a flight to London’s Heathrow Airport Wednesday, her publicist said.

Mara Buxbaum said the 37-year-old was taken to a west London hospital Wednesday “as a precaution” and had since been released.

She’s fine now,” Buxbaum said. She declined to go into details of Ryder’s illness.

Now that’s hard hitting news.  Fell ill, went to hospital as a precaution, fine now.  Wow.  I feel so informed.  However, this did make me realize that writing celebrity news is a lot easier than I thought it would be.  So here are some ‘news stories’ based on things that I don’t think I could get sued for.

  • Hollywood has the shits! The majority of actors and actresses in Hollywood go to the bathroom at least once a day.  In some cases, the number of daily visits can skyrocket to 4 or 5.  One notable exception is Amy Winehouse.  Amy last tried to poop in March, 2008, and witnesses report that nothing came out but smoke.
  • Super Flying Car Ready for Mass Production? – A car that functions just like the Delorean in the second Back the the Future movie is impossible and is not ready for production.  Also, Christopher Lloyd’s house burned down.
  • Jeremy Irons is OK – Actor Jeremy Irons was relieved today when he woke up alive.  Apparently, he may have had a dream where he was in either a hospital or a hot air balloon and thought that he was going to either drown or fall, and there may have been a candy bar involved.
  • Superficial Gallery Wins Nobel Prize! – Acadia crafted a Nobel Prize out of a paper plate and uncooked macaroni and awarded it to the Superficial Gallery today.  Upon accepting the award, he said:  “Thanks, now what do I do with this packet of cheese powder?”

News is fun!