More evidence that Soccer needs another chance.

On Saturday we are to be believed that the US/England game was a total happening. People in this country went to bars in metropolitan cities like New York and watched the game at bars, people watched it on TV who don’t normally care about these things and I know of at least one person who had an official, hardcore looking game related event.

And it was a tie. WAIT WAIT people, hold on a second! I know that you probably saw it and thought “a fucking TIE!” and then went back to baseball, the NBA finals, or whatever else you would do for the rest of your weekend. Allow me to provide context, and backstory behind all of what you saw and help you get more excited as well.

1. A tie gives you a point, and in the group play level of the World Cup getting one point is better than getting none.

2. It was entirely realistic that we would lose, thus putting us at a major disadvantage. The US still has to play Slovenia and Algeria, which we have a better chance to win against. With a tie against England, it essentially gives the team a place holder to get out of their group and into the tournament, a tournament that we all know that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN, as ESPN has drilled into your heads by now.

3. The goal that the US scored is looked at by a lot as cheap, which it was. England goalkeeper Robert Green should have easily blocked that, and his major mistake was a crucial situation for England’s outlook on their team, an outlook that was poor already (England treats their National Team like Red Sox fans treated their team pre-2004.). Considering this, what you saw on Saturday was in essence a “Bill Buckner” like moment for England, but without the stakes being as high. The tabloids are killing ” Green, the fans are beating each other up, and the “overreaction level is hilarious. In summation; something horrible happened, and it played out in YOUR countries team’s favor.

Now that the hype has died down from US/England, patriotic US fans like yourself can enjoy the fact that the US hung tough with a top ten team, shut down Wayne Rooney for a lot of the game and have a goalkeeper that is outstanding. You should want them to plant a red white and blue flag into the corpse of Slovenia, whom them play next on Friday.

Onto other fun facts/hilarious things for you to get into.

Argentina played over the weekend as well, beating Nigeria 1-0. Lionel Messi looked like the Roadrunner cartoon does before taking off in a sprint, and on the “Maradona is crazy” front, he wore a  $4000 suit, reacted to every shot like he won the whole tournament and said that he was “ready to die for those 23 men”. One more great quote: “Some of my players are my sons and some are my older brothers. Above all, though, I am the one who is the boss and who has the last word.”

Have you noticed that the stadium sounds like a combination of killer bees and out of tune trumpets? GLAD YOU NOTICED THAT, because that sound is made from a vuvuelza, the “thunderstick” of South Africa. The fans love it, the country loves it, everyone else hates it. There is a concentrated feel that some people are trying to “Euro-fy” the tournament, and the banning of the horns are an issue that people are tip toeing around. The players hate it, some of the TV coverage hates it, and as cool as I think it is right now, by week 3, I will have joined the anti-team. The best part about the horns? They cost $1 to make and are sold for upwards of $13. HUSTLE~!

There is a team from Ghana (winners on Sunday against Serbia) and their nickname is “The Black Stars”. There is a team from New Zealand called “The All Whites.” Two strange nicknames, one glorious match if they end up facing each other.

People in South Africa have been hanging their flags, unfurling signs with players names, etc. since Friday. It adds to the background, gives a feeling of support for the players, and blends into the Cup scene. On Sunday however the people of Ghana took it to a whole new level, by unfurling a gigantic banner that simply read “SEX MACHINES”. What does all of that mean (besides the people of Ghana having odd ideas for signs)? Apparently there is a Ghana rap group called Ruff n Smooth and their hit song is, you guessed it, “Sex Machine”. Click that title for a song you can play for your girl during your foreplay.

The official World Cup soccer ball is called the “Jabulani”. Everyone hates it. They say that the ball’s movement is unpredictable, and creates difficult decisions for the goalkeepers.

Insanely Hot Women Like Soccer, Part 1: Portugal.

Games to watch for the rest of the week.

Ivory Coast/Portugal – Tuesday, June 14. Didier Drogba possibly being healthy enough to play (with an arm in a cast) vs. Cristiano Ronaldo in a battle of athletics and also over-acting. Goals, Goals Goals as the Vanity Fair cover guys hash things out like who has the better abs. Ronaldo expects the goals to “come in a sudden spurt like ketchup shaken from a bottle”. Ummm, yeah.

Brazil/Korea DPR. – Tuesday, June 14. This game, and the above game are part of the “group of death”, in which two very good teams (Brazil, Portugal), one pretty good dark-horse (Ivory Coast) and playing the role of whipping boy, North Korea. For those who hate Kim Jong-Il, watch as several freedom-loving, scantily dressed woman having countries stomp all over his country.

Image and video hosting  by TinyPicSpain/Switzerland; Argentina/South Korea – Wednesday, June 17, Thursday, June 18. Spain is a favorite to win it all with goalkeeper Iker Casillas as a standout. Casillas is such a valued goalkeeper for both Spain and his home team, Real Madrid that he was recruited for Madrid’s junior program at NINE years old. Argentina brings more awesome Maradona quotes and shows off Lionel Messi again, a man whom other players say that a “machine gun is needed” to stop.

USA/Slovenia – Friday, June 18. Coming off a great showing against England, the US gets an easier team to play in Slovenia. Will goalkeeper Tim Howard’s ribs be ok (he hurt them against England)? Will the US keep the momentum going? Will you care a bit more if a win happens? ALL THESE AND MORE WILL BE ANSWERED FRIDAY.

JW does a weekly podcast that is at both times awesome and better then awesome. Twenty9cast for direct download, or subscribe by searching your i-tunes for twenty9cast.